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1. last night, i took my four confirmation students from hecla to visit dahlstrom funeral home in oakes. i’ll tell you what….every child should take a tour of a funeral home to help them cope with what happens after people pass away. it was so informative, and it puts to rest a lot of the “urban legends” about what happens at funeral homes. i highly recommend this….
2. there was evidently another “deer convention” on the highway coming home from hecla last night…i think i need to stop going on the “columbia and sand lake” highway…that seems to be where they congregate the most. don’t these deer know that i’m concentrating on singing in my car?
3. there are always people coming in and out of the downtown galleria on main street. people seem to be loving these “weight loss shakes”….every day i look in the mirror when i’m getting ready, and i think about starting to try those…..
4. yesterday i got another “crate” of popcorn in at home…there’s this stuff called “movie theater popcorn” that you pop on your stove…it is by far, the best popcorn i’ve ever tasted, and we buy it buy the boxload. if you want to check out this incredible popcorn, go to popcornpoppers.com
5. tyler’s warner monarch’s football team goes to herreid on monday afternoon. game time is 1:30…..they don’t have lights on that field…..can’t wait…plus i can get home and watch the redskins play monday night football. our own football fanatic jay kleinknecht will have the game “live” on ksdn am 930 about 1:10 monday afternoon. plus you can listen to the game and all of the playoff games on the internet at hubcityradio.com ….plus the roncalli groton game will once again be played in warner….this is a classic rivalry..should be a great game…
6. the orlando sun sentinel published a list of people who reportedly have slept with madonna….i hope i’m not on there…by the way, i’m not saying there’s a bunch of guys on that list, but if letterman did a top ten list of all of them, it was take him about two weeks of shows to finish them….
7. a man in romania got tired of his 25 year old wife always nagging him, so he put her up for sale on a USED CAR WEBSITE…it didn’t turn out so well, though….everybody wanted a test drive, but no one wanted to buy.
8. robert plant and led zeppelin are going to tour again…i’m not saying that they are getting old, but now their big hit ‘stairway to heaven’ has been changed to ‘rascal scooter to heaven.’
9. the hollywood types say that vice presidential candidate sarah palin would make a great talk show host if she doesn’t win the election…she’s already in a soap opera, however…it’s called “THE OLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL…”
10. barrack o’bama screwed up yesterday when he said “i’m comin’ weezie”, which is a line from the jefferson’s…he thought he was quoting something from “sanford and son.” he actually took half the line from sanford and half from the jefferson’s. barrack apologized and then yelled, “WELL EXCUSE ME.” which he says is a great line from his favorite comedian robert redford.
11. JOKE OF THE DAY….
Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!
Q. What is a Mummie’s favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Q. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A. A human bean.
Q. Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.
Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck.
Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.
Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire? A. He was all bite and no bark.
Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn’t have a haunting license.
Q. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.
Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.
Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.
Q. Where did the goblin throw the football? A. Over the ghoul line.
Q. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.
Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.
Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.
Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had great circulation.
Q. What tops off a ghost’s ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.
Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine’s day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
Q. What are ghosts’ favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends
Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving
Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.
Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.
Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!
Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.
Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed
Q. What is a ghosts favorite place on the web? A. http://www.halloween.com!
Q. Who was the most famous witch detective? A. Warlock Holmes
Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!
Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A. Sherlock Bones.
Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton? A. Napoleon bone-apart
Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A. The Vampire State Building.
Q. Where do most werewolves live? A. In howllywood, California
Q. Where do most goblins live? A. in North and South Scarolina.
Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.
Q. What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? A. to see the boogy man.
Q. What do witches use in their hair? A. scare-spray
Q. What do you call a little monsters parents A. mummy and deady
Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A. sour-puss
Q. How do you scare a mummy A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.
Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? A. blood-thirsty hacker baby
Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush? A. a squashed pumpkin pie.
Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan? A. It’s drafty under that sheet.
Q. What instrument do skeleton play? A: Trom-BONE.
Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? A. Boo-Berries.
Q. What is a vampires favorite place on the web? A. http://www.halloween.com!
Q: Why did’t the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.
Q. Why do vampires scare people? A. They are bored to death!
Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns into a bat.
Q. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It’s a pain in the neck.
Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. “You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.
Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done? A. Ok, that’s a wrap.
Q. How does a girl vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes.
Q. What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak
Q. What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A. A grave problem.
Q. Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.
Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.
Q. Why are vampires like false teeth? A. They all come out at night.
Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.
Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use? A. A skeleton key.
Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew? A. Boo Boo Gum.
Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.
Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.
Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? A. Give him screws.
Q. What can’t you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.
Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.
Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale? A. A white sale.
Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.
Q. What’s a ghosts favorite desert? A. Boo-berry pie.
Q. What type of dog does every vampire have? A. Bloodhound!
Q. What’s a monsters favorite desert? A. I-Scream!!
Q. 1ST PERSON: KOCK,KOCK 2ND PERSON: WHO’S THERE 1ST PERSON: PHILLIP 2ND PERSON: PHILLIP WHO ? 1ST PERSON: ÊFILL UP MY BAG WITH CANDY !!! 2ND PERSON: HA,HA,HA (LOL) Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets? A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Q. When does a ghost have breakfast? A. In the moaning.
Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast? A. Coffee with scream and sugar.
Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation? A. Mali-boo.
Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q. Where did the ghost get it’s hair done? A: At the boo-ty shop.
Q. Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it? A. a coffin.
Q. What do they teach in witching school? A. Spelling.
Q. Why does a witch ride a broom? A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
Q. What do you call a witch’s garage? A. A broom closet.
Q. What do you call two witches living together? A. Broommates.
Q. Why don’t mummies take vacations? A. They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
Q. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? A. Spelling
Q: Why can’t Boy Ghosts make babies?? A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!
Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? A. He was dying to get to the other side!!
Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.
Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get sheet-faced.
Q. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car? A. Fasten your sheet belts.
Q. Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie? A. He didn’t have the guts.
Q. What did the corpse’ mom do when her son was bad? A. Ground him
Q. Why was the mummy so tense? A. Because he was all wound up.
Q. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? A. Because he had bat breath.
Q. Why don’t ghost have bands? A. They get booooooooooed.
Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes? A. A cereal killer.
Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.
Q. What did the bird say on Halloween? A. Trick or tweet!
Q. Why do skeletons drink milk? A. To help their bones!
Q. What’s a Vampire’s least favourate song? A. Another one bites the dust!
Q. What is a Skeleton’s favorite song. A. Bad to the Bone
Q. Whats a ghost’s favorate type of car? A. A boo-ick
Q. Where do ghost go for fun? A. To the boo-vies
Q. What’s a skeletons favorite part of the house? A. the living room
Q. What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? A. Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.
Q. What do u get when theres a witch in the desert? A. You get a sandwich.
W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? A.it raises their spirits.
Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He’s all bone & no muscle.
Q. What is a vamire’s favorite fruit? A: A necktarine
Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating? A. Bone appetite
Q. What do gosts call there girl friends? A. There goul friends.
Q. How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire? A. So long sucker!
Q. What did the goblin say to the witch? A. I don’t know you tell me!
Q. Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? A. Becuse he had no body to go with.
Q. What is a ghost’s favorite band? A. The Boos Brothers
Q. What did Dracula have for dessert? A. Whine & Ice scream
Q. What is Dracula’s favorite restaraunt? A. Murder King
Q. What is a Ghost’s favorite food? A. HamBoogers
Q. What is in a ghost’s nose? A. Boogers
Q. What was the mummies’ vacation like? A. Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.
Q: What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost? A: You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!
Q. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking? A. A pumpkin patch!!!
Q. Where do vampires keep their money? A: The blood bank!!!
Q. Who are some of the were-wolves cousins? A. The what-wolves and when-wolves.
Q. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? A. They suck! (or they bite!)
THAT’S ALL..HAPPY THURSDAY..