stop by clear blue retreat in aberdeen today and find out how a hot tub can better your life…it can relieve stress and settle you down after a stressful day of work.  clear blue retreat, south main in aberdeen.

1.  IT’S HALLOWEEN…..i’m going to BEG my wife to go to a movie tonight after we hand out candy…i am dying (no pun intended for today) to see the new movie “THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY”.  there’s something about seeing a scary movie on halloween.

2.  ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS is this saturday at the nsu johnson fine arts center…shows at 2:30 and 4:30….NO TICKETS ARE LEFT…NO TICKETS AT THE DOOR…this wonderful event brought to you by a wonderful person…dr. darold opp….he, by the way, will be doing some other incredible events for kids…keep listening for more.

3.  the elevator fire in langford yesterday, brought back memories to when we lost our pierpont elevator to fire when i was in high school.  my brother and i went down there and helped out with the fire.  it’s amazing how fast elevators can go up in smoke.

4.  i decided what i am going to go as tonight for halloween….i’m going to go as a not so good looking cranky husband….oh wait, that’s everday…..

5.  please please please please please tuesday get here soon….we need to get this election over, so my blood pressure will go back down to normal….a lot of the national candidates sound like spoiled little brats on tv….they rip each other, blast each other, tell fibs about each other, and completely ridicule each other, but when it’s over, they smile and pledge all their support to the winner….GIVE ME A BREAK….

6.  college tuition is up 6.4 percent this fall….here’s a question for you….WHY IS A 12 PACK OF BEER BETTER THAN YOUR COLLEGE TEXT BOOKS?  BECAUSE THERE’S A MUCH BETTER CHANCE THE 12 PACK WILL BE OPENED IN THE NEXT MONTH.

7.  because of the economy, giving at church is down nationwide…..i can tell, because at my church in hecla we’re going to have to lay off the ushers.  ha ha

8.  if you want proof that father’s sometimes don’t pass on thier looks to their children consider this….the rolling stones band member KEITH RICHARDS has two daughters, and THEY ARE BOTH MODELS…or you can go the other way and check out my high school pictures and find out that my son tyler looks exactly like me….poor kid….

9.  in winston-salem, north carolina, professional golfer, john daly was taken into custody by police for being incredibly drunk outside of a HOOTERS…how embarrassing do you have to be before it’s determined that you’re not classy enough to enter a HOOTERS?

10.  REMEMBER TO SET YOUR CLOCKS BACK ONE HOUR BEFORE YOU GO TO BED SATURDAY NIGHT….great another hour to bitch about the elections……

11.  JOKE OF THE DAY…ONE OF MY FAVORITES…..

a young couple visited the grave of the great musician and music writer BEETHOVEN.  while they are there, they hear beethoven’s first symphony being played backwards…they freak out and leave…they come back the next day and hear beethoven’s second symphony being played backwards…they leave again…they come back the third day deciding that if they hear it again they’re going to get help…sure enough, they hear beethoven’s third symphony being played backwards….so the couple grabbed the graveyard attendant and told him about what they heard, that they could hear beethoven’s symphonies being played backwards….the graveyard attendant said, “oh, don’t mind him, he’s just DECOMPOSING.”

have a wonderful wonderful weekend…see you back here monday..

jay dean

 

need a hot tub?  always dreamed of a hot tub?  check out the great selection of beautiful hot tubs at clear blue retreat, south main in aberdeen, who are proud to bring you the daily blog.

1.  last night, i took my four confirmation students from hecla to visit dahlstrom funeral home in oakes.  i’ll tell you what….every child should take a tour of a funeral home to help them cope with what happens after people pass away.  it was so informative, and it puts to rest a lot of the “urban legends” about what happens at funeral homes.  i highly recommend this….

2.  there was evidently another “deer convention” on the highway coming home from hecla last night…i think i need to stop going on the “columbia and sand lake” highway…that seems to be where they congregate the most.  don’t these deer know that i’m concentrating on singing in my car?

3.  there are always people coming in and out of the downtown galleria on main street.  people seem to be loving these “weight loss shakes”….every day i look in the mirror when i’m getting ready, and i think about starting to try those…..

4.  yesterday i got another “crate” of popcorn in at home…there’s this stuff called “movie theater popcorn” that you pop on your stove…it is by far, the best popcorn i’ve ever tasted, and we buy it buy the boxload.  if you want to check out this incredible popcorn, go to popcornpoppers.com

5.  tyler’s warner monarch’s football team goes to herreid on monday afternoon.  game time is 1:30…..they don’t have lights on that field…..can’t wait…plus i can get home and watch the redskins play monday night football.  our own football fanatic jay kleinknecht will have the game “live” on ksdn am 930 about 1:10 monday afternoon.  plus you can listen to the game and all of the playoff games on the internet at hubcityradio.com   ….plus the roncalli groton game will once again be played in warner….this is a classic rivalry..should be a great game…

6.  the orlando sun sentinel published a list of people who reportedly have slept with madonna….i hope i’m not on there…by the way, i’m not saying there’s a bunch of guys on that list, but if letterman did a top ten list of all of them, it was take him about two weeks of shows to finish them….

7.  a man in romania got tired of his 25 year old wife always nagging him, so he put her up for sale on a USED CAR WEBSITE…it didn’t turn out so well, though….everybody wanted a test drive, but no one wanted to buy.

8.  robert plant and led zeppelin are going to tour again…i’m not saying that they are getting old, but now their big hit ‘stairway to heaven’ has been changed to ‘rascal scooter to heaven.’

9.  the hollywood types say that vice presidential candidate sarah palin would make a great talk show host if she doesn’t win the election…she’s already in a soap opera, however…it’s called “THE OLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL…”

10.  barrack o’bama screwed up yesterday when he said “i’m comin’ weezie”, which is a line from the jefferson’s…he thought he was quoting something from “sanford and son.”  he actually took half the line from sanford and half from the jefferson’s.  barrack apologized and then yelled, “WELL EXCUSE ME.” which he says is a great line from his favorite comedian robert redford.

11. JOKE OF THE DAY….

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie’s favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A. A human bean.

Q. Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire? A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn’t have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football? A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost’s ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine’s day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What are ghosts’ favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.

Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed

Q. What is a ghosts favorite place on the web? A. http://www.halloween.com!

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective? A. Warlock Holmes

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton? A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. Where do most werewolves live? A. In howllywood, California

Q. Where do most goblins live? A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do witches use in their hair? A. scare-spray

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents A. mummy and deady

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A. sour-puss

Q. How do you scare a mummy A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush? A. a squashed pumpkin pie.

Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan? A. It’s drafty under that sheet.

Q. What instrument do skeleton play? A: Trom-BONE.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? A. Boo-Berries.

Q. What is a vampires favorite place on the web? A. http://www.halloween.com!

Q: Why did’t the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.

Q. Why do vampires scare people? A. They are bored to death!

Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns into a bat.

Q. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It’s a pain in the neck.

Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. “You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.

Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done? A. Ok, that’s a wrap.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak

Q. What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A. A grave problem.

Q. Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.

Q. Why are vampires like false teeth? A. They all come out at night.

Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.

Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use? A. A skeleton key.

Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew? A. Boo Boo Gum.

Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? A. Give him screws.

Q. What can’t you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale? A. A white sale.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.

Q. What’s a ghosts favorite desert? A. Boo-berry pie.

Q. What type of dog does every vampire have? A. Bloodhound!

Q. What’s a monsters favorite desert? A. I-Scream!!

Q. 1ST PERSON: KOCK,KOCK 2ND PERSON: WHO’S THERE 1ST PERSON: PHILLIP 2ND PERSON: PHILLIP WHO ? 1ST PERSON: ÊFILL UP MY BAG WITH CANDY !!! 2ND PERSON: HA,HA,HA (LOL) Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets? A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast? A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast? A. Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation? A. Mali-boo.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Where did the ghost get it’s hair done? A: At the boo-ty shop.

Q. Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it? A. a coffin.

Q. What do they teach in witching school? A. Spelling.

Q. Why does a witch ride a broom? A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q. What do you call a witch’s garage? A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together? A. Broommates.

Q. Why don’t mummies take vacations? A. They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? A. Spelling

Q: Why can’t Boy Ghosts make babies?? A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!

Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? A. He was dying to get to the other side!!

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get sheet-faced.

Q. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car? A. Fasten your sheet belts.

Q. Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie? A. He didn’t have the guts.

Q. What did the corpse’ mom do when her son was bad? A. Ground him

Q. Why was the mummy so tense? A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? A. Because he had bat breath.

Q. Why don’t ghost have bands? A. They get booooooooooed.

Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes? A. A cereal killer.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.

Q. What did the bird say on Halloween? A. Trick or tweet!

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk? A. To help their bones!

Q. What’s a Vampire’s least favourate song? A. Another one bites the dust!

Q. What is a Skeleton’s favorite song. A. Bad to the Bone

Q. Whats a ghost’s favorate type of car? A. A boo-ick

Q. Where do ghost go for fun? A. To the boo-vies

Q. What’s a skeletons favorite part of the house? A. the living room

Q. What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? A. Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.

Q. What do u get when theres a witch in the desert? A. You get a sandwich.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? A.it raises their spirits.

Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He’s all bone & no muscle.

Q. What is a vamire’s favorite fruit? A: A necktarine

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating? A. Bone appetite

Q. What do gosts call there girl friends? A. There goul friends.

Q. How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire? A. So long sucker!

Q. What did the goblin say to the witch? A. I don’t know you tell me!

Q. Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? A. Becuse he had no body to go with.

Q. What is a ghost’s favorite band? A. The Boos Brothers

Q. What did Dracula have for dessert? A. Whine & Ice scream

Q. What is Dracula’s favorite restaraunt? A. Murder King

Q. What is a Ghost’s favorite food? A. HamBoogers

Q. What is in a ghost’s nose? A. Boogers

Q. What was the mummies’ vacation like? A. Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.

Q: What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost? A: You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!

Q. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? A. Because people are dying to get in.

Q. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking? A. A pumpkin patch!!!

Q. Where do vampires keep their money? A: The blood bank!!!

Q. Who are some of the were-wolves cousins? A. The what-wolves and when-wolves.

Q. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? A. They suck! (or they bite!)

THAT’S ALL..HAPPY THURSDAY..

JAY DEAN

 

clear blue retreat brings you the daily blog.  stop by clear blue retreat on south main in the old depot building to see thier full line of hot tubs.  plus did you know they service them, too?

1.  WHAT A GREAT NIGHT IN REVILLO LAST NIGHT….my son, tyler, caught his first high school touchdown pass, and caught a pass for a two point conversion as his warner monarchs crushed the number five team in the state, grant deuel  48-6….the team played incredible last night….in other action aberdeen central lost to sturgis 23-21, roncalli beat deuel 27-0, groton pounded elk point jefferson  32-6, undefeated ipswich smashed florence henry 52-0, langford roslyn snuck by clark 27-26, eureka bowdle over sunshine bible 24-6, faulkton lost to gettysburg 38-12, and hitchcock tulare remains unbeaten with a 50-6 win over sanborn central.

2.  by the way, i’ve never been to revillo, but i thought we were in nebraska by the time we got there….going to school in veblen for three years, i had always heard of revillo and grant deuel, but i had never been there until last night.  revillo is a town of 168 and has put together a powerhouse football program that were state runner ups last year and 2003.

3.  i stop into m & h every morning to get my fountain diet pepsi, and this morning the girls behind the counter asked by i had my halloween mask on so early…..WOW…what a way to start the day…actually, i MAY have started it….big suprise, huh?

4.  i go out monthly to aberdeen rehab and to the good samaritan center in oakes to administer communion and visit some of my church members from hecla.  i have to tell you this, folks…if you know someone in area nursing homes, PLEASE go out and visit them regularly.  you cannot believe the difference you can make in someone’s day, plus some of the residents don’t get very many visitors regularly.  spreading fellowship is why we are on this earth, my friends…

5.  aberdeen native taylor mehlhaff was released by the new orleans saints yesterday…my question is WHY?  man oh man, i hope another team picks him up…he deserves to play in the nfl.

6.  the world’s heaviest man got married over the weekend.  this week, he’ll return 325 duplicate sets of richard simmons “sweatin to the oldies.”

7.  a new report says that barrack o’bama is preparing for his victory party in chicago…why chicago?  because chicago cubs fans have over a century of confetti stored up.  meanwhile, john mccain is planning his victory party among his best friends at the good samaritan home in arizona.

8.  THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

when i die i want to go like my grandpa did…quietly in his sleep…not screaming like all the passengers in the backseat of his car.

9.  the jonas brothers are set to star in their first movie about a FARTING DOG….no kidding…first of all, they should fire their manager…second of all, they’d better get thier academy award speeches ready!!!

JOKE OF THE DAY:

this funeral hearse was heading up a hill when the casket fell out the back of the hearse and started rolling down the hill.  the casket was quickly moving down main street when it turned and smashed thru the glass of a local pharmacy…the casket rolled thru the store, and smashed into the back counter of the pharmacy…the casket sat straight up, the cover flipped open, the body popped out and said, “hey, do you have anything to stop this coffin?” ha ha..i always loved that one…

that’s all for now….enjoy your wednesday and be safe…

jay dean

 

we’re getting into the season where a hot tub is going to feel LIKE HEAVEN….geet yours today at clear blue retreat, south main in aberdeen…a proud sponsor of the daily blog…

1.  well, the election is one week from today, and it can’t get here soon enough…..i’m so tired of the news channels not being neutral…….the election season is too long, as people are excited when it starts, but are very bored and frustrated when it ends…..

2.  it looks like the tennessee titans are for real…they are still undefeated after beating the indianapolis colts last night in nashville…..folks, peyton manning and the colts are in big trouble this season…by the way, did you see the beginning of the game?  they showed singer charlie daniels in his seat, AND HE LOOKS OLD…he turns 72 today…..

3.  i really hope that the warner monarchs can defeat grant deuel tonight in the playoffs…otherwise, it’s one of the “endings” to tyler’s senior year….

4.  be listening all day long to win dvd copies of “JAKE’S CLOSET.” my boys and i watched the movie and really enjoyed it.

5.  joe biden said that in the next week the republicans will throw everything at them including the kitchen sink…sorry, joe, they can’t throw the sink…joe the plumber’s too busy working on it.

6.  john mccain and sarah palin are out doing their last week of campaigning…their worst fear of election night?  john mccain falling asleep before all the numbers are in…

7.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?  two “white supremacists” were arrested in tennessee yesterday for plotting to kill dozens and dozens of black people and decapitating some of them…plus they were going to dress in white tuxes and white top hats, and try to kill barrack o’bama….i’m sorry folks, but this world is going to hell in a handbasket…..to quote rodney king, “CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?”

8.  i was scanning channels last night and came across not one, but two shopping networks that were hawking nfl merchandise….i had to quickly bypass those stations before my credit card starting smoking.

9.  joke of the day:

Church Funnies

At the Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment, then said “So why is the groom wearing black?”


Late for Bible Class

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!”


New in Church

After the service a young couple talked to a church member about joining the church. He hadn’t met the husband before, and he asked what church he was transferring from.

After a short hesitation, he replied,“I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course.”


The Sermon

A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”


The Boasting Boys

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!”


Funeral Instructions

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”


Church Announcement

There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”


Instruction About Church

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping.”


The Sermon Preparation

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.

“How do you know what to say?” he asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”


Bible Lesson

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby sitter.”


The Ten Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked,“Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”


The Creation of Wives

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”

Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”


After the Preaching on the Devil

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?”

The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad.”


Money for the Pastor

A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn’t put it in. But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor’s hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor. The pastor asked him, “Why are you giving me this money? Why didn’t you put it in the offering plate?”

And the boy answered, “Because my mommy told me you’re the poorest pastor we’ve ever had!”

that’s all for now… jay dean


CLEAR BLUE RETREAT ON SOUTH MAIN IN ABERDEEN BRINGS YOU TODAY’S DAILY BLOG….WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MARKET FOR A HOT TUB, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN CLEAR BLUE RETREAT….

1.  nfl news:  it had to be a thrill for taylor mehlhaff to play in london yesterday…his saints won a thriller over san diego…my redskins are 6-2, should be 7-1, but anyhow, they beat the detroit lions yesterday….the vikings had a bye week….I HATE BYE WEEKS….

2.  tyler and i went to see a movie friday night.  we went to the debut of ‘saw V”….it’s a typical “saw” movie…..gross as heck…pretty good story to it…not an academy award winner, but yet, an enjoyable night at the movies.  by the way, tons and tons of kids at the movies friday night to see “high school musical 3”.

3.  after running ragged all week long, it’s awesome to stay home with the wife and kids all day sunday….we were tempted to run yesterday, but lounging around, coming in and out of consciousness is once in awhile a lot of fun. 

4.  we had an 85th birthday party for my grandpa saturday in pierpont.  it was a wonderful time…great to see some cousins and other relatives that i haven’t seen for quite a while.  at the end of the day, we had a one hour performance by perk washenberger of aberdeen as he played his accordian.  we danced to a few polkas and waltzes and had a blast.

5.  this wednesday night i’m taking my four confirmation students in hecla to do a funeral home tour at dahlstrom funeral home in oakes.  i would have been terrified to go to a funeral home when i was in junior high, but the kids seem excited.  (funny how i picked halloween week to do this….)

6.  this is no kidding….a new study finds that the smelly rotten egg gas in human flatulence controls blood pressure in mice….OH MY GOODNESS…why do we need to know that, and who was the first person to “pass gas” on a mouse…….we can’t find a cure for cancer, but we know all about farting on mice…..what a world….

7.  a dubai radio station fired one of their disc jockey’s for “impersonating God”.  it’s different in the united states….we don’t fire people for impersonating God, we re-elect them……

8.  in colorado, when a couple ordered tacos, they recieved an extra topping…A BAG OF MARIJUANA….mcdonald’s should try this and have “really really happy meals.”

9.  a new report released the other day shows that the new york yankees new ballpark is running about 30 percent over budget?  why?  mostly because of the bulletproof glass for the owner’s box.

10.  JOKE OF THE DAY….

 a well worn dollar bill and a similarily distressed twenty dollar bill arrive at the federal reserve to be retired.  as they moved down the conveyer belt, they started up a conversation.  the twenty dollar bill bragged about all of it’s travels, from a show on broadway in new york city, to a day at disneyland in california, to a trip to london, england and more.   the dollar bill said, “wow, you’ve had an incredible life.”  so the twenty dollar bill asks the dollar bill, ‘where have you been during your life?’..the dollar bill says, “oh, i’ve been to the catholic church, the lutheran church, the methodist church and other churches.”  to this the twenty dollar bills say, “ummm…what’s a church?”  HA HA

HAVE A GREAT MONDAY…

jay dean

warm up with a hot tub from clear blue retreat on south main in aberdeen…tell them that jay dean told you to stop by………

1.  the most underrated activity during the day?  an afternoon nap……there’s nothing like curling up in your bed with a blankey for an hour or so….i just wish i could do it……

2.  i heard someone on tv say yesterday that “low gas prices” are not good for the economy……i say, “too bad”, because i’m lovin’ em…….i’ll tell you what’s bad for the economy….CONGRESS….

3.  i’m going to become a millionaire…here’s how….i’m going to develop a “sports catheter” that can be easily installed, so guys like me don’t even have to leave the couch on sundays while watching football…..the key words here are “easily installed.”

4.  i love playing “guitar hero”  and “rock band” with my kids, but i’m wondering this…where are the hits from air supply, reo speedwagon, james taylor and other?  uh-oh…i think i just went from cool dad to complete wuss in 10 seconds….

5.  my best friend glen and i are taking our boys to vermillion for the football championships in a few weeks…our wives are “allowing” this to happen….knowing us, they might want to reconsider while they have the chance……

6.  barrack o’bama’s campaign contributions show that someone donated five dollars under the name of o.j. simpson….barrack might want to be careful that “o.j.” might try to come and get it back….(just like his memorabilia)

7.  as i mentioned before…gas prices are dropping…does that loss of revenue mean that they’ll have to lay off a bunch of politicians?

8.  dallas cowboys owner jerry jones unveiled his plans for his new stadium yesterday…this baby will have everything for the fans and the players….for the fans, luxury suites and a retractable roof, and for the cowboy’s players, A HOLDING CELL…

9.  miss teen louisiana has lost her crown after getting busted for marijuana…..pageant officials should have looked back at the tape of the show and saw this coming…..on the show she was asked “what do you want for this world?”  and her answers were “WORLD PEACE AND BAGS AND BAGS OF DORITOS…”

10.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

an elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really really stormy….they were standing at the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.  they searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.  three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat that read, “sir, we are sorry to inform you that we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.  we hauled her body up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster with a pearl worth FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS….please advise us what to do next….”  the old man faxed back, “send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”  oh my goodness….

HAVE A SUPERB WEEKEND EVERYBODY…

jay dean

clear blue retreat pools and spas brings you todays daily blog…stop by and see them on south main in aberdeen….check out their full selection of beautiful hot tubs…..

1.  last night was round three of “DODGING THE DEER”….last night was completely uneventful coming back from hecla…it’s amazing how the previous two nights i was dodging deer every couple of miles and last night…nothing…..they must have all been having a poker game in some field…..

2.  it always make me nervous when i’m at a church youth meeting, and the subjects of “raising money”, and “cutting off pastor’s hair” come up…..but that’s exactly what happened last night….stay tuned for more……or less……..

3.  i’m getting SICK AND TIRED of all of the coverage on espn about cowboy’s quarterback tony romo’s sore finger….i GUARANTEE you that this story wouldn’t get the proper press if it was gus frerrotte of the vikings, or jason campbell of the redskins, or chad pennington of the dolphins…..this is one of the reasons i hate the cowboys in the nfl like i hate the yankees in baseball.

4.  remember these cool games from the 70’s?  GNIP GNOP….ping pong spelled backwards..didn’t know that…..however, my brother troy and i used to LOVE gnip gnop…..we also had that awful awful electric football game where you set the players on the board and turn it on so they can vibrate all over the field…..that game was crap, but we still played with it for hours.  and who didn’t love “don’t break the ice”, and “hot potato”?

5.  my how times have changed….when i was a kid growing up in britton, sometimes i would FORGET my homework at home, but i would NEVER NEVER EVER forget my bag of marbles…..we used to play marbles every single recess break…..i’d have a bag full of “cat’s eyes”, “steelies”  “puries”, and others…..some days you’d get your butt kicked and lose a bunch of marbles and some days you’d regroup and take everyone else’s marbles……maybe this is what mom was talking about when she said that i had “LOST MY MARBLES…”

6.  a texas woman who sat in the parkland hospital’s E.R. waiting room for NINETEEN HOURS with a broken leg got a bill for 162 dollars, even though she NEVER EVER WAS SEEN BY A DOCTOR, and ended up leaving after 19 hours of just sitting in the waiting room….hey lady, quit your griping and moaning….you can’t expect to read every copy of newsweek from 1995 for free…….

7.  india launched their first unmanned moon mission yesterday….that’s why american’s were on hold a little longer yesterday for tech support….

8.  the new york yankees and the dallas cowboys are starting a concession company together….one club stops playing in october and doesn’t know much about football….the other one is in new york…..HA HA

9.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

our own Tanea was out shopping at target the other day and came across something shiny…which caught her attention for about an hour…..anyway, tanea asked the sales clerk at target what it was she was looking at, and the clerk told her that it was a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold……tanea thought that sounded like a pretty neat deal, so she bought a thermos…..yesterday she brought it to work, and i asked her what she had and tanea said, “it’s a thermos, jay, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”  i said, “neat, what do you have in it today?”  and tanea said, “two popsicles and a cup of coffee.”

10.  BONUS JOKE:

this guy dies and goes to heaven and meets st. peter at the golden gates.  st. peter tells the guy that he gets to choose that day whether to go to heaven or whether to go to hell…the guys said that he would like a tour of both places before choosing.  st. peter can’t beleive what he’s hearing, but he gives the guy the opportunity.  so the guy goes to hell first….he opens the door and finds green lush beautiful golf courses, with beautiful women serving cold beer, and all of his friends are there smiling, drinking, golfing, and having a blast.  next it was off to heaven, where it was okay….people sitting around sipping iced tea, calming music playing in the background, and lots of visiting going on….st. peter asks the guy if he has made his decision and the guy said, “yep..i want to go to hell.”  st. peter can’t beleive his ears, but he sends the guy south.  the devil meets the guy at the door, opens the door and all the guy sees is fire fire and more fire…people chained up….people screaming, people being tortured and other horrible events…..the guy looks at the devil and says, “hey, it wasn’t like this yesterday, what the heck happened?”  the devil said, “yesterday we were campaigning…..today you voted.”  HA HA

that’s all for now…enjoy your thursday…be safe..

jay dean