random thoughts for friday february 27th, 2009

1.  well, the storm is over for now….quite a few more inches of white crap was dumped on our area….i would like to say a big word of thanks to our neighbor, ANDY BERTSCH for pushing the snow out of our yard.  andy has one of those fourwheelers with a plow on the front…i REALLY need to get one of those…..

2.  i froze my little tushy off outside yesterday digging my niece’s car out….my niece alaina stayed with us for a couple of days, and her car was BURIED by the snowplow….so, her favorite uncle went and dug her out……and of course, in typical fashion, i wore sweatpants outside….very very cold…and not recommended….

3.  at the theaters this weekend, you’ll find a couple of new releases….the best picture at the academy awards is at the capitol theater on main street.  “slumdog millionaire” starts tonight at the capitol and the jonas brothers in 3-d starts at carmike.  i saw “slumdog” in sioux falls a few weeks back and wasn’t too impressed.  it certainly isn’t even close to the movie that “gran torino” is….

4.  speaking of “gran torino” and clint eastwood, “DIRTY HARRY” was on tv last night when i was going to bed….I LOVE CLINT EASTWOOD…..dirty harry was such a cool guy, and clint played him to perfection….looks like there’s another dvd i have to pick up….

5.  my WASHINGTON REDSKINS are already making a big splash in the free agency market which opened at midnight.  the skins signed former titans defensive stud albert haynesworth….he was the most important guy in the free agency, and now the redskins have him…i’m pretty pumped about that…

6.  once in awhile i take a quiet solo trip to sioux falls or fargo and stay overnight and sleep sleep sleep and maybe go to a movie by myself…i’m getting dangerously close to needing to do that again….i love the peace and tranquility for a couple of days…

7.  a 21 year old beauty queen in new jersey is accused of counterfeiting…she wasn’t lying in her after dinner speech when she said, “i’d like to finish college, but first i need to make some money.”

8.  this is weird….scientists say that they have found a fossil of a creature that had sex 30 million years earlier than it was believed that sex existed……and no it’s not cher…….. (wouldn’t sex have had to be around since the first day of earth?)

9.  a russian man has died after guzzling a bottle of viagra pills to try to keep going thru the night…..i wonder if after he died rigor mortis…….oh never mind……


a gentleman in a bar notices that a beautiful lady comes in every night and sits at the same table all by herself having a beer…the guy finally one night gets the nerve up to go and hit on the woman.  after asking the girl out, the lady said, “no thanks, i’m trying to remain pure until i find the right guy.”  the guy said, “wow, i can really respect that.”  the lady said, “maybe you can, but it’s really torking my husband off.”


jay dean

random thoughts for thursday february 26th, 2009

1.  this morning was the WORST traveling conditions of the year as i tried to make it to the radio station.  i actually drove 20-30 miles per hour and couldn’t see one marking on the road….it was very scary driving down a road that you couldn’t see, expecting to hit the ditch at any time.

2.  speaking of traveling, it appears that we’re going to get the high amounts of snow that was expected….don’t be silly in your traveling today…..if you don’t have to travel, don’t…if you must, call ahead to tell let someone know that you’re coming and be sure TO HAVE A WINTER SURVIVAL KIT IN YOUR CAR.

3.  here’s my storm story….i should actually be dead right now……do you remember back in 1984 when that “wall cloud storm” came from the north and pounded fargo and this area?  it actually killed a couple of people in the fargo area….well, i was on my way to eden to see a then girlfriend.  i left roslyn and the sun wash shining, but ahead it looked like smoke, and all of sudden i was in instant blizzard conditions….i’ve never seen anything like it….well, instantly i accidently drove into the ditch and was stalled…..so i did what any “IDIOT” would do…i got out and tried walking to get help…walking in a blizzard…real smart…plus all i had on was a light jacket and no gloves or hat……anyway, a pickup with ‘state radio’ in it happened to come by me as i walked in ZERO VISABILITY….the guy told me that they were stopping every vehicle in eden, and not letting them travel…..but they let him go because he had state radio….he asked me and i quote, “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU WALKING TO?”  i told him i was walking to the area radio station to get help, and i pointed in the direction of the station…he told me, “THE STATION IS THE OTHER WAY…YOU’RE WALKING INTO AN OPEN FIELD.”  if God hadn’t sent this guy on the road, i would have died that day…i know that now…..PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, never leave your vehicle if you get stranded…..i wish i would have had a cell phone at that time…..i ended spending almost TWO DAYS with friends in roslyn…too bad i wasn’t dating jeannie at that time, i wouldn’t have EVER left roslyn…ha ha

4.  another lesson you learn as you get older is to wear gloves, scarves and hats when you go outside….we can’t seem to drill that into our kids heads, but then again, i remember when we were young….doesn’t it tork you off that the older you get, the more you find out your parents were right?

5.  we have the greatest and most unique preaching situation in hecla over lenten season…we have three churches involved…st. john’s lutheran in hecla, trinity lutheran in houghton, and united methodist church in hecla all combine to have services together….it’s a great situation, and yours truly, pastor ryan mutzenberger, and pastor al magnuson all work so well together….see?  different denominations CAN work together if you let them….

6.  speaking of the lenten season, i love preaching during this time….it’s a wonderful story, and can be a very powerful message to people, especially people who are lost and need a reason to go on….

7.  the new york post has apologized for the cartoon that implied that the stimulus bill was written by a chimp….that’s obvious….everybody knows it wasn’t written THAT good…..

8.  the state department is advising vacationing americans to avoid mexico…just like people from mexico have done…


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.
    “Is there a problem, Officer?”
    “Ma’am, you were speeding.”
    “Oh, I see” says the older woman.
    “Can I see your license please?” says the officer.
    She replies, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
    “Don’t have one?” says the officer.
    “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving” says the older woman.
    “I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”
    “I can’t do that” says the lady.
    “Why not?” asks the officer.
    “I stole this car” says the lady.
    “Stole it?”
    “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner” says the older lady.
    “You what?” says the officer.
    “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see” she
    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
    “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please?” says the backup cop.
    The woman steps out of her vehicle.
    “Is there a problem sir?” she says.
    “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the
owner” he responds.
    “Murdered the owner?” she says, looking puzzled.
    “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?”
    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
    The backup cop says “Is this your car, ma’am?”
    “Yes,” she says, “here are the registration papers.”
    The officer is quite stunned.
    He says, “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to
the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
    He says, “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
    She says, “Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.”


jay dean

random thoughts for wednesday february 25th, 2009

1.  well, it finally happened…..i talked to the VERY FIRST PERSON that didn’t like “gran torino.”  they said they were bored in the movie…WOW…ya know, to go this long and only find the first person is amazing.  chris, one of the managers at carmike told me last night that he hasn’t seen a movie like this in a long time that is holding on for two months, and not slowing down….

2.  the last place you would expect to find politics is in the church…but sadly enough, it’s there….(i’m not talking about my church in hecla)…….the game of politics is rampant in our country right now, and that sucks…..

3.  “facebook” is picking up like five million new people a week…that’s amazing…by the way, if you get signed up for facebook and want to be my friend, just type in “jay dean”, and you’ll find my site….i’ll definetly add you….

4.  i had really hoped that we had dodged the rotten winter weather for the year, but apparently not….we have a WINTER STORM WARNING for the region for tonight and tomorrow….we’re expecting FIVE TO NINE INCHES OF SNOW….great, i had thoughts of putting the snowblower away….

5.  the latest snow storm that i can remember was back on may 9th, 1979….i got confirmed in campbell, minnesota, and a bunch of my relatives couldn’t make it because of a winter storm……some of the ones who made it had to stay overnight….

6.  here’s what team names i’ve been associated with in my life….







7.  i talked to a young lady last night in the new pizza place in the lakewood mall, and she said that she hopes they are open in the next couple of weeks….by the way, they make HOMEMADE pizza….can’t wait…i’m salivating already…..oh wait, i drool all day anyway…

8.  a utah man learned that he had 35  pounds of marijuana in the fuel tank of his car….now he knows why his radio only played cheech and chong…..

9.  florida officials have banned an asian pedicure procedure in which tiny fish NIBBLE the dead skin off of y0ur feet….i’m glad to hear that because i just booked the “piranha pedicure.”

10.  indian officials are patenting 600 yoga positions to keep american yoga instructors from claiming they invented them….although, to be fair, i think positions #257 thru 320 WERE invented by madonna……speaking of madonna, a nude picture of her brought $37,000 dollars at an auction….she did the shoot several years ago when she needed the money…just like others during “the great depression.”

11.  the iraqi national museum has reopened….it features artifacts from the various factions of their country….people who have come out of the museum said that there was a lot of cool “shiite” in there….(wow)


A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
      The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, “I’m NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!”
      The guy doesn’t believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says “Okay, what’s the Capital of Montana?”
      The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, “That’s easy! It’s M!”


random thoughts for tuesday february 24th, 2009

1.  i’m so jealous….i have some friends who are having fun away from the cold…a few of them just got back from a cruise, and a couple more are headed to hawaii this week….i’m so burned out right now, i could use a vacation like that…….but, all we can afford is a trip to pukwana for a day or two….ha ha

2.  “gran torino” is staying around carmike cinema 9 theaters for another week….this movie has been here for about six weeks, and is STILL the number two movie at the theaters in the lakewood mall.  “taken” was number one this past week.

3.  one of my jobs at carmike cinema 9 theaters is to help plan promotions surrounding movies….i’m here to tell you that there are some wonderful movies coming out in the next six months or so.  including another “toy story” movie……

4.  so, there was this lady in a car yesterday on sixth avenue who was jabbering on her cell phone…..she speeds past me, cuts me off, makes me slam on my brakes and pulls in front of me…..not even a wave to say she’s sorry …then she sped off into the horizon obviously going way over 30 miles per hour……she’s a menace to our society……

5.  it’s funny how we eat things that we love, even though we know they’re going to make us sick……that’s the way i feel with mcdonalds mcflurries…i LOVE the m and m mcflurry, but it makes me very sick…oh well, in a weird way it’s worth it.

6.  I WAS RIGHT…it’s a pizza place coming to the lakewood mall food court…i cannot wait…i love to try new pizza products…hopefully they open real soon…..

7.  the stock market took another steep drop yesterday, reaching the level it was at in 1997…….it’s sad to realize that it’s probably better to invest your money into clay aiken records…….

8.  a new report shows that the number of facebook users is growing at about five million new members a week…..the social networking site is killing it’s chief rival….ACTUAL HUMAN INTERACTION…..

9.  a gitmo detainee who claimed he was tortured has been freed…..now he’s going to really find out what torture is by appearing on “the view.”


The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life,
finally retired.  At her next check-up, the new doctor told her to bring a list
of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
    As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
realized she has a prescription for birth control pills.
    “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?”
    “Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
    “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possibly help you sleep!”
    She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee.
    “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the
glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks… And believe
me, it helps me sleep at night.”


    During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the
Director what the criteria was that defined whether or not a patient should be
    “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
    “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket
because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
    “No,” said the Director, “a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a
bed by the wall or near the window?”


jay dean

random thoughts for monday february 23rd, 2009

1.  last night i FINALLY got a night out with my beautiful wife, jeannie….we went to shenigans for supper, and then we went to carmike to see the liam neeson movie “TAKEN.” if you haven’t seen that movie, you should go…it’s a great thriller, and kind of keeps you on the edge of your seat.

2.  speaking of the movie last night, i had to get out of my seat, walk to the back of the theater and tell three people to shut their mouths or leave the theater….IT DRIVES ME CRAZY that people think they can sit there and text and talk OUT LOUD to each other…they were jumping out of their seats to talk with each other and were giggling during intense parts of the movie.  now that i work at carmike i REALLY don’t have time for crap like that.

3.  i emceed the bridal style show yesterday at the ramkota inn of aberdeen….i was going to start out the emceeing by saying this….”i have a message for all the future brides here today…and that message is…..RUN…HURRY AND GET AWAY…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING GETTING MARRIED?”  i thought it was funny, but i’m pretty sure some vendors and mothers wouldn’t find it cute.

4.  i told the audience yesterday that if they enjoyed the show, then my name was jay dean from sunny 97.7….and if they didn’t like the show for some reason, then my name was mayor mike levsen…….mayor mike’s going to love that one…ha ha

5.  i started out the show by welcoming all brides, future brides, current brides, former brides, and OLD MAIDS…man, i need help…..

6.  i wii bowled last night for the first time in about three weeks…..i was TWO PINS away from breaking my all time record…that torked me off when both those pins didn’t fall.

7.  i went and got a few dvd’s at blockbuster’s big event friday saturday and sunday…when i got there friday about 10:15, there were already about 40-45 people in the store, and some people were walking around with, i’m not kidding, about 50 dvd’s in their arms….i know the prices were incredible, but will you really watch all those movies?

8.  this text messaging thing at the theaters is really starting to upset me…..if you’re that important that you can’t shut your phone off for 90 minutes, THEN STAY HOME…….it’s all about respect for the other people in the theater…….c’mon…wake up….

9.  i told you last week about a couple in idaho that got married in a funeral home….well, over the weekend i found out why…apparently the father of the bride told his daughter that she could marry her boyfriend “over his dead body.”

10.  the halu japanese restraunt in new york city decided to let a 140 year old lobster go free in the atlantic ocean.this was considered to be a great charitable gesture both to the lobster and to the shark that immediately ate him.

11.  actress kate winslet said that she’s finished doing nude scenes…the last time i heard that was on my honeymoon.


An office worker urgently needed a few days off work, but knew the boss
would not allow him to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted “CRAZY”
then the boss would tell him to take a few days off.
    So he hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
    His co-worker (who’s blonde) asked what he was doing.
    He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would
think he was “CRAZY” and give him a few days off.
    A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked “What are you
    The worker told him he was a light bulb.
    The boss said “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
couple of days”.
    The worker jumped down and walked out of the office.
    When his co-worker (the blonde) followed him, the boss asked her “And where
do you think you’re going?”
    She said: “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark!


jay dean

random thoughts for friday february 20th, 2009

1.  well, mitchell and i made a trip to the capitol theater last night to see the new movie “milk” starring sean penn.  it was a very very good movie.  this was the story of harvey milk, an openly gay san francisco city alderman who was gunned down along with the mayor of the city.  i remember the day that happened, and sean penn could win an oscar for this role this sunday night.

2.  speaking of the capitol theater, this is the first time that we have attended a movie at the capitol….but i guarantee it won’t be the last time….what a great looking place….the capitol staff and management should be proud of what they have there.  i attended a lot of movies at the capitol back in the 80’s, but it never looked like this….

3.  speaking of the capitol theater, it’s kind of cool to watch a movie with no previews…at 7:30 the movie just starts rolling.  the only thing i don’t like is that you can’t have popcorn and pop in the theater…that’s kind of a bummer, because i don’t like watching movies without popcorn.

4.  new this weekend at carmike cinema 9 theaters are the movies “madea goes to jail” and “fired up.”  we have a lovely woman in our congregation in hecla whose name is “madella.”  i have two or three times on the radio this week said, “madella goes to jail” instead of madea….i’ll see on sunday if madella thinks that is funny…ha ha

5.  it could be a very very crappy day weatherwise today……we’re looking at 2-4 inches of snow and lots of wind pushing it around….we all drive like our butts are on fire most of the time, today wouldn’t be one of those days…be careful……

6.  i’m so glad that no one saw me walk into a wall yesterday…that’s so embarrassing…and the funny thing was, my son did it last night…hmmm…must be in our genes….

7.  there’s a new thing on facebook where you put in 25 things about yourself…i’m looking so forward to filling that in this weekend…..of course, being in a public position, most people already know EVERYTHING about me…ha ha

8.  this is a true story…a boy in india was married to his DOG this past week…how weird…things turned every weirder when the “bride” starting licking herself and smelling her husbands butt.

9.  porn star jenna jameson says that she got into adult films because she wasn’t the smartest kid in school…maybe not the smartest, but definetly the most popular.

10.  an idaho couple got married on valentines day IN A FUNERAL HOME….wow….at first sight, they were so hot for each other, and then they realized they were standing next to the cremation oven……they didn’t fool around on their wedding night, because the bride was “dead tired.”

11.  tonight is late night host conan o’brien’s last night in new york, before he moves to hollywood….in preparation for his move to hollywood, he’s having his I.Q. lowered…


An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette
sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and
lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way
out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both
hands, he crawled downstairs.
     With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were
literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies. Was it heaven? Or
was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty
years, seeing to it that he left the world as a happy man?
     Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table,
landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous
taste of cookies was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the
table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife …..
     “Back Off!!” she said, “they’re for the funeral!”


jay dean

random thoughts for thursday february 19th, 2009

1.  if i could work at any radio station in the united states, where would it be?  easy…..wsm  650 am in nashville, tennessee….this is the “heritage” station in nashville, and is the home of the “grand ole opry.”  the announcers on the station also double as announcers at the grand ole opry, which is the dream job that i have.

2.  last night at confirmation at st. john’s in hecla, we watched the mel gibson movie “the passion of the christ.”  we did this with ash wednesday and the lenten season coming up…..EVERYONE needs to see this movie during lent.  it really gets you thinking, and totally visualizes what took place back then.

3.  speaking of hecla, i was thinking on the way up there last night, that i really love the drive up there and back.  it gives me time to think, listen to the radio, and blare my radio with the latest cd’s that i have.  i usually grab a case of cd’s from home, and max out the volume all the way up….geez…no wonder i have hearing problems…ha ha

4.  spent some time with steve biegler at biegler motors in aberdeen yesterday…he is simply and truly one of the nicest guys out there…….

5.  whatever happened to “chicken salad spreadables” that they used to have in the stores?  i used to LIVE on that stuff……

6.  a food i can’t eat?  chicken broth and jello……back in 1986 and 1987 when i had major stomach problems and had to have half my stomach and a foot of intestine removed,  all i could eat was broth and jello for the longest time….i can’t even look at the crap anymore….which is too bad, because jello mixed in with whipped cream was one of  my favorite desserts growing up…not any more.

7.  authorities speculate that billions of dollars worth of pot is growing in california forests….now when the bears invade your campsite, all they’re looking for are doritos…..

8.  ronnie wood might get booted from a proposed rolling stones tour because of his drinking…here’s my question…HOW THE HELL MUCH PARTYING DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET KICKED OFF A ROLLING STONES TOUR?  how did keith richards last this long?

9.  “sesame street” turns 40 this year…and my how the things have changed…”the count” now counts his bowel movements…..”oscar the grouch” yells at kids to get off of his yard.  and “ernie and bert” are finally married.

10.  there’s a new company that’s making ‘star trek perfume.’…it’s designed for women to put it in places where “no star trek fan has ever gone before.”

11.  a salt lake city woman used a “wedgie” to pin down a man who was breaking into her car…..then the cops showed up and subdued the guy with a “wet willie” and a “hertz donut.”


Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their
faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
    First body: “Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector”, says the Coroner.
    Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it
all on whisky, died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”
    The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”
    “”This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn from Donegal, 30, struck by
lightning” says the coroner.
    “Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.
    “He thought he was having his photo taken.”


jay dean