random thoughts for tuesday june 30th, 2009

1.  where in the heck did june go?  it’s july first tomorrow, and i haven’t done squat for the summer…..

2.  i hate feet…it’s summer so people are barefoot, wearing sandals with toes showing…i have never ever thought that feet were sexy or whatever….so, it’s safe to say that i definetly don’t have one of those “kinky foot fetishes.”  ha ha

3.  there will not be a blog tomorrow as i am heading to minneapolis with family for one day…….les cummings will take over tomorrow morning.

4.  i’m going to be gone a week and a half in july when we head to new orleans for a lutheran youth gathering, and last night we put the finishing touches on our trip…the kids are going to be happy because we’re taking a “haunted ghost tour” of new orleans, AND we’re going to alligator country for a “swamp tour.”  we’ll go deep in the bayou in “cajun country” for that tour….i cannot wait….

5.  i am SO going to sleep in a couple of days this weekend over the fourth of july…folks, i am one tired old man lately….my body is used to four or five hours of sleep a night, but lately i can’t sleep enough….WEST NILE ANYONE?  no, that’s not what it is, i’m just sleep deprived…ha ha

6.  jeannie beat me two out of three games of ping pong last night…she has REALLY gotten good at ping pong…but, she is getting cocky and needs to be taken down a couple of notches…

7.  a new survey reveals that NINETY TWO PERCENT of people think that cheating on a spouse is the worst immoral act…the other EIGHT PERCENT  are in politics…….

8.  a special billy mays tribute show will be aired tonight…….at 2am…….(that’s funny but even low for me)

9.  impressionist fred travalena is the latest celebrity to die.  he lost his will to live when he realized that every celebrity he impersonates has died in the last seven days…..

10.  the united state air force has launched a missle from the west coast…..the air force explained that they wanted to show north korea that they weren’t the only ones who could hit hawaii.


A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
    “You know love,” she says, “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled. My boobs are barely above my waist. My butt is hanging down a mile. I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.”
     She turns to her husband and says….. “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”
    He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, “Well…. there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”



random thoughts for monday june 29th, 2009

1.  wow…celebrities dropping like flies last week…ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson.  now we learned yesterday that product pitchman, BILLY MAYS died at the age of 50.  he was the loudmouth that promoted “oxi clean” products on tv, among other things. 

2.  billy mays annoyed me on his tv ads, but nobody annoys me more than the “shamwow” guy……i’m not a fighter, but i’m afraid i’d have to beat him up in a dark alley…….

3.  huge huge huge huge crowds for “transformers 2” at carmike over the weekend…the suprise though?  “the hangover” CONTINUES to draw big crowds.

4.  we have to make a quick trip to minneapolis on wednesday for my dad to see a doctor…..i’m really not nuts about going to minneapolis and going home in the same day.  i used to do that when i worked at aberdeen chrysler center.  we would once in awhile have to go to minneapolis to pick up a truck.  it’s a tough trip by yourself.

5.  we made a major decision yesterday at st. john’s lutheran church in hecla.  we voted unanimously to leave the E.L.C.A. synod and become independent for now.  we’re looking at joining an organization called the L.C.M.C. which stands for “lutheran churches on a mission for Christ.”  i’m hoping and praying we join that organization soon.

6.  i’m going to be gone for seven workdays in july to take 50 kids to new orleans for a lutheran youth encounter.  should be a blast.  yesterday afternoon we have a get together at wylie park so the kids could meet each other.  we have kids going from hecla, warner, frederick, redfield and miller.

7.  OH HAPPY DAYS…it’s the fourth of july weekend this weekend.  can’t wait…we always go out to my brother’s house at richmond lake.  if you recall my blog from last year, this is the fun event where we fill up about 100 water balloons and bomb boats as they come by….it’s always fun until the park officers show up.  we actually bombed him a couple of years ago, and he just laughed about it.  (THANK GOD)

8.  a shelbyville, tennessee couple were arrested for domestic assault after throwing CHEETOS at each other during an argument….ARRESTED?  THAT’S BULLCRAP…by the way, we hear that the husband started it. apparently he has a chip on his shoulder.  by the way, the couple were caught “orange handed.”

9.  police in york, nebraska are keeping an eye on a parking lot where somebody has been leaving soda pop cans that are filled with URINE…the cops are “pissed.”  they weren’t going to let the media know, but apparently someone “leaked” it out.

10.  a former georgia mayor has been arrested for indecency after being found nude at a campsite…IDIOT…everyone knows that if you’re a public official who wants to get naked, you need to go to argentina.


this lady walks into a bar and notices a really good looking cowboy who is leaning back in a chair with his feet up on the table.  on his feet were the biggest boots the lady had ever seen.  the woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about people who have big feet.  the cowboy said, “why don’t you find out?”  and proceeded to take her upstairs.  afterwards the lady was getting ready to leave the room and walked over to the cowboy and handed him a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL….the cowboy smiled and said, “wow, maam, i’m shocked…i’ve never ever been paid for this.”  the lady said, “oh no, i’m not paying you for this.  i’m giving you the money so you can buy a pair of cowboy boots that actually fit.”



random thoughts for friday june 26th, 2009

1.  last night at church softball, we set the softball world back twenty years when our game announced the umpires for last night…and they were?  JAY DEAN AND STEVE BIEGLER FROM BIEGLER MOTORS…ha ha ……actually, steve did a heck of a job umping home plate…….i kept forgetting that i was umping.  i would start talking with people, or wander over to the dugout between innings and forget to come back out……FOCUS, DUDE…FOCUS…..

2. yesterday wasn’t kind to celebrities…..farrah fawcett dead at 62, and the shocker of the day, michael jackson dead at 50…..here’s a couple of thoughts on both of them.

3.  i was sad to hear of farrah’s death, although we all knew it was coming.  i feel sorry for farrah and her legacy, because she took a HUGE backseat in the news yesterday right after michael’s shocking death……..i did, by the way, have farrah fawcett’s poster pinned up over my bed when i was in junior high.  every morning when i woke up, the first thing i saw was farrah’s beautiful eyes.  i told some people yesterday that they should re-release that poster and charge ten bucks a piece with all money going toward cancer research.  they would raise millions for cancer.

4.  i was never really a fan of “charlie’s angels”.  the girls were hot, but that was about it.  i thought farrah’s best role was in “the burning bed.”  she showed great dramatic style acting in that role, that i beleive won her some awards.

5.  and now on to michael….i was sitting at my computer yesterday, getting ready for church softball, when i saw a bulletin that michael jackson was rushed to the hospital……it didnt’ hit me at first, because michael’s been rushed to the hospital many many times.  but then another bulletin popped up that said, “MICHAEL JACKSON…DEAD AT 50″….i couldn’t beleive that…so i ran to the tv and watched cnn and foxnews, and sure enough, it was right.  sad ending to a beautiful musical legacy and life….weird life….weird little dude…but incredible music.

6.  i cannot stand nancy grace…this so called “news person”, was, of course, doing a show on michael jackson yesterday and she said in her BITCHY TONE, “what is going on right now between michael jackson and God, is between michael and God only.” SHUT UP NANCY…at least have the dignity to give this guy a few hours of reflection time before shooting your huge mouth off…i really really don’t like her.

7.  i was really never much of a michael jackson fan.  i had a few of his albums.  of course i had ‘THRILLER”, along with millions of other people.  i actually liked his 70’s stuff better than his 80’s stuff.  i really liked “rock with you”, “wanna be starting something”, and other 70’s hits.  “ben”, his hit song about a rat, is probably one of my favorite michael jackson songs.

8.  on a lighter note, i picture michael jackson walking into the gates of heaven and elvis presley walking over to him, shrugging his shoulder’s and saying, “what the hell, michael?”  ha ha…people thought that elvis was spinning in his grave when michael married lisa marie presley….i still think it was some kind of well orchestrated publicity stunt for his career.  what else could it be?  love? 

9.  former vice president dick cheney has signed a book deal to write his memoirs.  here’s a suggested title…”BUY THIS BOOK OR I’LL TAKE YOU HUNTING WITH ME.”

10.  wow, this south carolina governor’s story of “hiking in the mountains,” and then “going to argentina and having an affair” is some crazy stuff……he could have done both though, really…in argentina he could have been “hiking” his pants back up…..

11.  “jon and kate plus eight” show stars jon and kate are getting a divorce…they’ll get right back into the saddle….who wouldn’t want to date a “single parent with eight kids?”  ha ha


Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his
sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,

“It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the
phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even
answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the
pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him,

“Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.. This morning the alarm
failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast
and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with
both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was
about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to
open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people,
all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash
register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor..
I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and
the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the
open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase
with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the
floor and broke.”

“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got
back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a
rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is
my witness, all I did was tell her.”



random thoughts for thursday june 25th, 2009

1.  i found out yesterday that faith hill is releasing her own perfume…….tim mcgraw already has his own cologne, which i own….hmmm…our dreams have come true…jeannie and i woke up one morning and said, “gee, wouldn’t it be nice if we could smell like faith hill and tim mcgraw today?”  SEE KIDS, DREAMS CAN COME TRUE…HA HA

2.  actress june lockhart is 84 today…she was timmy’s mom on “lassie”on television….i had the priveledge of meeting her backstage at the grand ole opry in nashville a few years back…she is a delightful woman…….

3.  jimmy walker of “good times” is 62 today….i have a horrible time thinking that the guy that brought is “DYNOMITE”, is about  the same age as my dad……

4.  if i ever vanish off the face of this earth i want you all to know how much i appreciated all of you…..i say this because yesterday i hit a couple of potholes that were obviously deep enough to be knocking on the doors to hell…….so, if i’m not here some morning, it means that i was swallowed up by a pothole,  and i am probably stuck in hell listening to old shows of “my morning party.”  (that would be hell for anyone.)

5.  okay, i have my new worst news guy….WOLF BLITZER AT CNN…every single story is an “earth shattering, life altering story.”  he makes every single story sound  like it’s the crash of the titanic.  and it’s almost dizzying and nauseating watching him go back and forth to reporters….i really can’t stand the guy….

6.  it amazes me how much we love to wallow in other people’s misery…..this south carolina governor’s debacle is now in full swing.  he apparently went to argentina to see a woman he’s having an affair with, came home, came clean, and admitted everything in front of the world.  his wife, as of now, is sticking with him.  i just wish that more of this crap could stay private at home.  we’ve become so interested in other people’s lives that we sometime forget about our own.  every one of us has skeletons in our closets…we just seem to forget that when we’re judging others.

7.  the academy awards are doubling the amount of “best picture” nominees from five to ten…DAMMIT….why couldn’t this have happened years ago, so that “porky’s,”  and “revenge of the nerds” could have won picture of the year?

8.  jessica simpson has a new fragrance that she claims is inspired by her  boyfriend, dallas cowboys quarterback tony romo….that must mean that the first half of the bottle smells great, and the last half isn’t worth a crap….(YEAH…GOT IN MY WEEKLY COWBOY SLAM…)

9.  major idiot and puke perez hilton is suing the black eyed pea’s manager for TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for punching him several times….hey, if that’s the going rate, put me down for FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS and let me at him…..

10.  after many complains, calvin klein has removed an “orgy” themed advertisement from a new york city billboard……if new yorkers want to see someone getting screwed, they’ll do it the old fashioned way, and just get in line to buy yankee’s tickets…..


One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
    Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
    Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here.”
    Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What`s the matter Ben?”
    Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: “Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can`t get out of here with an 8-iron.”



random thoughts for wednesday june 24th, 2009

1.  jeannie and i had a wonderful evening last night.  her workplace had a picnic out at wylie, and then after supper jeannie and i had tons of fun……here’s what we did:

we walked around storybookland for the first time in years.

we rode the storybookland train together.

we rode the “balloon ride” together.

we played miniature golf. (she crushed me)

we played ping pong at home. (i crushed her)

last night was a terrific night………

2.  HEEEERRRREEEE’S JOHNNY!!!!!   ed mcmahon died yesterday at the age of 86, and although his contribution to the world is “the tonight show”, we forget about something else that ed did that i think makes him an even greater hero…..he served our country…..he served our country in both world war II and the Korean war…….sometimes we forget the most important things about people’s lives….

3.  i couldn’t go to sleep last night when we got back from wylie park, so i sat up and watched “the tonight show with conan o’brien” with my son tyler.  I LOVE CONAN…i think he’s the funniest thing on late night tv…he also did a very nice tribute to ed mcmahon last night…very classy…very touching…….

4.  a mother and son from the fargo area were arrested at the fargodome during the kenny chesney concert last week because the son vomited and wouldn’t leave the fargodome after he got sick, which is apparently fargodome policy…then his mom got into a shoving match with cops….the ironic thing is, the son is a sheriff’s deputy, and his mom is the wife of a police chief…hmm…you’d think they both knew better……..

5.  watch the nba news closely today….apparently the new general manager of the minnesota timberwolves is going to ransack the team and start from scratch….that’s awesome….late last night south dakota native mike miller was traded to washington along with randy foye.  espn says that the t-wolves are expected to make a couple of other big splashes today……

6.  i’m jealous…some friends of mine from church in hecla were at two twins games this past weekend and valleyfair this past monday….our stupid summer is so hectic that we’re not going to get time to see the twins one last time in the metrodome….that’s disappointing….but i cannot WAIT to see the twins outdoors next year…..jeannie’s not a bit excited about being outside in the elements…….

7.  iran’s guardian council said yesterday that there were some “irregularities” in their presidential election?  IRREGULARITIES? that election was so irregular that is could have been sponsored by EX-LAX….

8.  there was concern in south carolina when thier governor vanished for four days, only to find out that he was “hiking.”  can you beleive it?  we’ve been telling politicians for years to take a hike, and one finally listened….

9.  authorities are investigating as to how e.coli bacteria could have gotten into nestle’s toll house chocolate chip cookies…sources say that very soon we could have a few keebler elves on death row…..

10.  police say that a truck carrying 40,000 pounds of beer overturned in vermont and closed a highway for several hours…..for cleanup, officials sent in homer simpson and a straw….MMMMM…….BEEEEERRRRR…….


Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.



random thoughts for tuesday june 23rd, 2009

1.  first of all, last night was the VERY FIRST TIME i have ever watched an entire episode of a “reality show.”  i don’t like reality shows, because life itself is “real enough.”  i like to get away from reality and go “braindead” watching tv once in awhile.  but last night, jeannie and i watched the “jon and kate plus eight” show, because a major announcement was coming and we already knew what it was.

2.  last night on the show, jon and kate announced that they were separating, and then during the show a message came up on the screen that YESTERDAY they actually filed for divorce.  very very sad situation….but i have a couple of strong feelings on this:

a:  i couldn’t live with kate.  i don’t agree with everything they both have said and done, but the bottom line for me is that she runs the household and it’s “her way or the highway”, and jon has decided the highway might be better. 

b:  they have both been “under the microscope” for years, maybe it’s time to shut the cameras off……but no…they have both decided to continue the show after their divorce.  keep in mind that they have made tons of money, got a house, and a lot of their items free for doing the show.  plus i understand that kate has had some surgeries and jon has had “hair plugs” or something else because of the show.  (kind of sounds like they sold out, doesn’t it?)

c:  i hope that the producers of the show have the families best interest in mind and not just “tv ratings.”  last night had to be “ratings gold” for the show, i just hope that it’s not just all about the money and manipulation of the kids.

d:  it cannot be easy raising eight kids….we need to keep this couple in our prayers for the future……

3.  i got about an hour afternoon nap yesterday for the first time in days and days…and MAN DID THAT FEEL GOOD….i think that naps are completely underrated.

4.  i don’t know if i’ve been this stressed out in years…lately i’m just completely stressed out and don’t feel good……i’m in desperate need of a week off to do nothing…every vacation day i’ve taken so far has been for a reason….i just need to be home, shut down, and turn off the outside world for a few days…unfortunately for me and my mental health, it’s not going to happen…….

5.  i still don’t understand what the hell “TWITTER” is…and i don’t care…it just seems like another way to communicate that we don’t need…hey here’s an idea…HOW ABOUT COMMUNICATING FACE TO FACE….what a novel idea……

6.  i was lying on the couch watching the news yesterday about the horrible crash of the rail cars in washington, d.c…..it hit close to home, because i’ve been on those cars more than a dozen times…..i can’t imagine the horror of two of them hitting head on yesterday….nine people are dead and over 70 injured…our prayers go out to them as well……

7.  supreme court nominee sonia sotomayor has resigned from that “ALL WOMEN’S CLUB” that she belonged to…apparently chastity bono did the same……

8.  in just two years, washington, d.c. has gained over 400 new speed bumps…or as they’re called in new york city…pedestrians…..

9.  police have charged the tour manager of the band “black eyed peas” with assault after he punched celebrity blogger and total creep “perez hilton” in the face…..arrested?  he should have gotten an award……


Two men in a pickup truck drove into a lumber yard.
    One of them walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
    The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
    The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.
    He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.”
    “All right. How long do you need them?”
    The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
    After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”