random thoughts for friday december 18th, 2009


1.  in our “today and yesterday” segment, we feature CAROLINE KENNEDY SCHLOSSBERG, who turned 52 just a few weeks back.  we have a couple of beautiful pictures of CAROLINE with her famous family.


here’s some photos of CAROLINE KENNEDY today….

2.  well, football fans, your indianapolis colts are still  undefeated…barely…last night the colts hung on to beat the jacksonville jaguars 35-31…..man, both of these undefeated teams, the colts and the saints, have to fight for every single point…THIS IS WHY I LOVE THE NFL, BABY….

3.  this probably won’t mean much to the average football fan, but to us WASHINGTON REDSKINS FANS it’s huge….dan snyder’s right hand man, vinny cerrato resigned yesterday to make room for bruce allen to become the redskins first general manager in ten years.   bruce allen is the son of legendary redskins coach george allen….there’s tons of excitement on this choice, because, first of all, we now have a g.m……secondly, he’s had success in oakland and tampa bay, and thirdly, he’ll probably bring mike shanahan or jon grudin with him to washington….watch out gang…THE REDSKINS ARE COMING BACK……..

4.  three new movies at carmike, and i’m not planning on seeing any of them…..hugh grant and sarah jessica parker star in “did you hear about the morgans?”,  plus the new 3-D event “avatar” is here, and “boondock saints 2″ is here….sorry, i never saw number one……”avatar” is just something i can’t get excited about…i guess i’ll just sneak into the theaters while i’m working to see how good it is……

5.  it’s always a good day when the marriages outnumber the divorces in the newspaper…..

6.  this is starting to really pee me off……i have had three instances in the past month where someone has gone flying thru a stop sign and just about hit me…..all three events were gentlemen driving vehicles for “colonized” people of this area.  do they not take driving courses out there?

7.  president obama sent a letter to north korean leader kim jong il, asking him to revive nuclear disarmament talks…i’m sorry i have to say this….wouldn’t this be a “dear jong” letter?

8.  the house approved a law that requires stations to lower the volume on tv commercials….man, it’s a shame that billy mays wasn’t here to see this…..

9.  IN OUR “SHUT THE HELL UP” CATEGORY TODAY…..filmmaker and loud mouth michael moore is DEMANDING that connecticut voters recall joe lieberman or he’ll organize an boycott of the state…..ummm….except for the restaurants, obviously……

10.  california governor arnold schwarzenegger’s approval rating has hit an all time low….he’s so unpopular right now, that even his wife maria shriver won’t text him or call him while she’s driving anymore.

11.  a new survey puts LOUISIANA as the number one happiest state…happiness was measured by people’s well being, satisfaction with their lives, and the fact that neither jon or kate live there….

12.  time magazine has named federal reserve chairman bernard bernanke as it’s “person of the year.”  big deal…how many hot babes has HE slept with?  ha ha


There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
    One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
    The letter read:

    Dear God,

    I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.
    Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

    Sincerely, Edna

    The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
    By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
    The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
     Christmas came and went.
     A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
     It read:

    Dear God,

    How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
    By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.





THESE ARE TOO DAMN FUNNY TO KEEP TO MYSELF…..you’ve heard about rudolph not being able to play in any “reindeer games?”  what the heck do they mean by “reindeer games”?  well, there are eleven very popular ones…let’s check them out….


these are the top 11 reindeer games:

11.  spin the salt lick

10.  bait-and-shoot elmo

9.  crapping down the chimney’s of non-beleivers

8.  the annual “turn frosty yellow from 50 paces” contest

7.  scare the crap out of the airline pilots

6.  convince the elves to eat “raisinettes”

5.  strip poker with santa’s granddaughter

4.  pin the tail on santa’s “big fat animal abusing butt”

3.  elf hockey

2.  prancing with the stars

and the number one “reindeer game”…


random thoughts for thursday december 17th, 2009

1.  in our “today and yesterday” segment, we salute GEORGE “GOOBER” LINDSEY who turns 74 years old today….”GOOBER” was a big part of the success of “THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW.”  here’s GOOBER back in the good ole days…

and here’s one with my favorite guy, FLOYD THE BARBER…

and here’s GOOBER, (ACTOR GEORGE LINDSEY) today at the age of 74….here is is pictured with a fan, and ernest borgnine…goober is on the right….

2.  THE ANIMALS HAVE GONE NUTS…..wow…yesterday was a crazy day in aberdeen, as EIGHT BUFFALO were loose on the south end of town, and a CRAZY BUCK DEER was loose up by the courthouse…i also heard that possibly someone was bitten by a dog yesterday, too…..what a weird day…..

3.  okay, if we were to make a movie about the “animal day” yesterday in aberdeen, here are some possible titles…




3.  some of my friends yesterday asked me “why would buffalo be in aberdeen?”  here are some of my reasons…

“they were protesting pizza hut…they’re pissed about these “buffalo wings.”

“they were here to worship their idol “the blue buffalo”…(remember that you oldies?  it’s now perkins)

“maybe it was the stanley county buffalo’s coming to play the roncalli boys team?”

4.  my good friend, pastor drew becker from freedom worship center was in studio yesterday visiting with me when the “great buffalo roundup 09” happened…and we were just amazed at this event going on.  a few hours later, pastor drew called my phone to tell me about that wild deer running thru main street….he couldn’t beleive what a “crazy” morning it was in aberdeen yesterday.

5.  last night we had our “confirmation class christmas party” at st. john’s lutheran in hecla.  we did something last night that i wish all of you could do for christmas.  we watched the movie “THE NATIVITY STORY” that came out a few years back in theaters.  if you see this dvd in stores, buy it.  it’s a movie that everyone should watch every christmas.  it really puts christmas into perspective.

6.  well, here we go again…WARNER VS. NORTHWESTERN tonight at the warner gym.  i love this rivalry.  our towns are 12 miles apart, and the kids are all pretty good friends, but the games USUALLY turn out to be pretty intense.  you listen to the doubleheader tonight on SUNNY 97-7, or listen to the games at hubcityradio.com

7.  time magazine has named fed chairman BEN BERNANKE as their “time person of the year”…oh crap….get ready for a massive bailout for the magazine industry…..

8.  al gore said that polar ice caps will vanish in five to seven years, along with the rest of his credibility.

9.  at home depot tuesday, president barack obama said that he “might do his christmas shopping at home depot.” well, i suggest that he should…after those party crashers, they obviously need better locks on the white house….

10.  a book returned to the new beford public library in massachusetts, was charged a fine of $361.35 after coming back ONE HUNDRED YEARS OVERDUE…wow…luckily, the same librarian was on duty so it sped up the process…..

11.  95 year old fitness pioneer jack lalanne is recovering from heart surgery…..before his surgery he had a rigorous two hour daily workout, which consisted of getting up to pee every half hour, and then getting out of bed and dressing himself.


A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
    His father took him into his study and said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we’ll talk about it.”
     After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.
    They again went into the father’s study where the father said, “Son, I’ve been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied the Bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut.”
     The young man waited a moment and then replied, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”
     The minister said, “Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.”




random thoughts for wednesday december 16th, 2009

1.  in our “today and yesterday” segment, we feature television evangelist ORAL ROBERTS who DIED yesterday at the age of 91….ORAL ROBERTS was one of the biggest tv preachers, and truthfully, i used to watch his show a lot on sunday mornings when i was a kid.  i used to love when his son opened the show with “I BELEIVE SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.”  anyway, ORAL was in the spotlight in a negative way back in the 1980’s when he claimed that GOD was going to “call him home” unless they raised so many million dollars…they came up short…and GOD did call him home……20 some years later……here are some photos of ORAL ROBERTS….

here he is with the great BILLY GRAHAM….

now that he is gone, he has met THE KING…he also met another “king” years ago….

and here’s one of ORAL ROBERTS recently….

2.  last night i had a CHRISTMAS BLESSING..we had our monthly “bible study” with some of the hecla and houghton residents at bethesda……i’ve said this before, and i ‘ll say it again…these “older and wiser” ladies sure know their bible…and last night i LOVED hearing their memories of christmas.  it does my heart good to visit with these ladies, and they are such an inspiration to me.

3.  i can’t believe that christmas eve is a week from tomorrow…wow…where did time go?

4.  it’s in the news that a “certain former state representative” who is in PRISON for UNHEARD OF THINGS DONE TO HIS FOSTER DAUGHERS, has now “copyrighted” his name and will sue anyone who uses it….well, i’m not going to use your name here buddy, just in case you’re crazy enough to do it…but i will tell you one thing…you’re a jackass, and this is one of the most stupid things i’ve heard in the news in recent years…..you had no trouble taking certain liberties in life, so we should have the liberty of mentioning your name when we’re talking about “scum”…also, i, along with many other people, think that certain liberties should be taken away when convicted of a crime and while having to spend time in prison…

5.  damn, i haven’t watched “rudolph” or “frosty” this season yet…i’ve been too busy working to catch them…i may have to go to “hulu.com” and watch the shows…that’s one of the coolest websites out there….

6.  “ABBA” is going into the “rock and roll hall of fame.”  aaaahhhh…THERE IS A GOD….i’m so happy for them…many people thought they might not make it because they were “disco”, but you cannot ignore what ABBA did for popular music….

7.  at a “home depot” store, president obama said that saving money is “sexy.”  judging by recent legislation, it’ll be a long time before our government “BRINGS SEXY BACK.”

8.  the movie “up in the air” starring george clooney, was nominated for six golden globes….it’s a movie about a guy whose job is to FIRE PEOPLE…DONALD TRUMP said it was the “feel good” movie of the year, and gave it “TWO COMBOVER’S” up….

9.  the white house announced yesterday that an ILLINOIS prison would be getting some GITMO DETAINEES….which is a great consolation gift for CHICAGO for not getting the olympics….

10.  scientists have found an octopus that uses coconut shells for shelter….wonderful…the damn foreclosure crisis has not hit the ocean floor……..

11.  a nevada brothel says that within a month, they will be also offering male prostitutes…..the new guys must learn all the proper wordism’s of the brothel including the phrase, “GOOD EVENING SENATOR..”……..


By the time Chuck pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office.
     “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed – I don’t care where.”
     “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
     “No problem,” the tired traveler assured him. “I’ll take it.”
     The next morning Chuck came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
     “How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
     “Never better.”
     The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”
     “Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said Chuck.
     “How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
     “He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” Chuck explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”



random thoughts for tuesday december 15th, 2009

1.  in our “today and yesterday” segment, we salute funnyman TIM CONWAY on his 76th birthday today….TIM CONWAY, of course, is from the CAROL BURNETT SHOW, and he’s definetly one of the funniest comedians to ever entertain us.  here’s TIM CONWAY years ago…

here’s TIM CONWAY today at age 76…looks pretty darn good…

TIM CONWAY and HARVEY KORMAN were so so so so so good together on the CAROL BURNETT SHOW and in person.  i was lucky enough to see them perform together at the fargodome before harvey passed away…it was a superb night of comedy…  here they are together…

2.  i cannot beleive that it’s december 15th already…wow….2009 is two and  a half weeks away from being over…man, time does really fly the older you get…amazing….

3.  this is the time of the year when the dumbest question EVER  comes out…”IS IT COLD ENOUGH FOR YA?”   no, dummy…i would like it colder…i would like it about 60 below with a wind chill of 138 below…now that’s good cold you could appreciate…..ha ha

4.  i’m hearing excellent response from people walking out of “invictus” at carmike theaters.  this is the clint eastwood directed   movie starring morgan freeman and matt damon.  it’s about south africa and president nelson mandella….can anyone say “OSCAR?”  my bet is the clint will be up for director, and morgan freeman will be up for best actor…..

5.  i’m going to get my fill of pizza in the next 48 hours….we’re having a pizza christmas party tonight for our “bible study” at bethesda, and we’re having pizza tomorrow night for our “confirmation” christmas party in hecla.  will i ever get tired of pizza?  NO WAY..i could eat pizza every single day…sometimes i feel like i do…..

6.  i worked at pizza hut’s for about three and a half years of my life, and truthfully, i think i’m the inventor of “breadsticks.”  way back in 1982 at the pizza hut where boston fern now is, a buddy of mine and i would cut up a crust, send it thru the oven and dip it in sauce.  WE CREATED BREADSTICKS AND DIDN’T GET A DIME FOR THEM…HA HA….

7.  new polls show that most americans don’t want the current senate health bill….it’s like a government fruitcake….it lasts forever, and you wouldn’t even let your dog have it….

8.  president obama is angry about the white house gate crashers.  he said that it “will never ever happen again.”  it’s getting so crazy that on christmas eve, santa will have to produce three forms of I.D.’S…..

9.  police in tyler, texas, caught a man who broke into a home and was taking a bath when they arrived…he was probably trying to make a “clean” getaway……

10.  a court filing revealed that KURT COBAIN’S mother has been given temporary custody of her 17 year old granddaughter, but no explanation was given why…i have a sneaky suspicion that it was implied by the line that read:  MOTHER-COURTNEY LOVE…….

11.  a brothel near las vegas is aiming to offer nevada’s first legal male prostitutes…first legal male prostitutes….only if you don’t count congress…..

12.  to protect rocker johnny hallyday, doctors have placed him in a drug-induced coma…kinda like keith richards…..


Three Chinese men were sitting at an outdoor table for lunch when one suddenly swept his hands up, quickly maneuvered his chopsticks and pulled a fly from the air. Showing the fly to his friends, one said “impressive,” and he dropped the dead fly to the ground.
     The second man suddenly reached up with his chopsticks and pulled another fly from the air. Showing the fly was held ever so gently by the wing, the others said “very impressive,” and the fly flew off.
     The third man poked his chopsticks in the air towards another fly with a quick jerking motion, which then flew away. Looking at the chopsticks, the others said, “You have not caught fly. Why show us?”
     He then said, “True, I did not catch the fly, but he will never reproduce.”


     One day while a small boy was at school, his cat died.
     His mother, being very concerned about how he would take the news of the cat’s death, decided to explain the tragedy in a comforting way.
    “Son,” she said to him when he came home from school, “Fluffy died today while you were at school. But don’t worry, dear, Fluffy’s in heaven with God now.”
     To which the boy responded, “But Mom, what’s God going to do with a dead cat??”





random thoughs for monday december 14th, 2009

1.  computer is down in the studio…can’t do a “today and yesterday” segment today…sorry…hopefully i can do one again tomorrow.

2.  SOAPBOX:  north carolina men’s basketball coach ROY WILLIAMS had a fan ejected yesterday because he yelled “C’MON MISS IT” at a player who was shooting a free throw…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  c’mon roy, grow some thick skin.  why the hell are you listening to the crowd anyway……and by the way, roy, fans say a heck of a lot worse things than “MISS IT”….good gravy…..sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed….


*****the washington redskins BLEW OUT the oakland raiders yesterday 34-13…i’m seeing some good players that probably will take the place of some veterans next year…among them, quenton ganther, who started in place of rock cartwright, who was starting in place of clinton portis.  ganther scored two touchdowns.  clinton portis may have played his last game in a redskins uniform.

*****the vikings roll again…this time 30-10 over the cincinnati bengals..this was supposed to be an incredibly good game between two high flying teams.  turns out it wasn’t.

*****new orleans and indianapolis are still undefeated….both have clinched playoff spots, so now the question is, do you continue to play the starters for the whole game to try and go undefeated.  my gut says that new orleans will and indianapolis won’t.

*****the tennessee titans whipped st. louis 47-7…this rams team is horrendous.

*****cowboys lose again….uh-oh…the december curse seems to be intact for dallas…..

*****philadelphia beat the new york giants last night in a shootout 45-38…did the defenses even go out on the field?

4.  at the movie theaters this weekend, “the princess and the frog” was number one in the nation.  at carmike, the movie did very well, too….but “the blindside” continues to rock at carmike.  i talked to someone this weekend who was seeing it for the third time…wow….

5.  at the end of january, our sales crew has to go to minneapolis for a sales clinic, and part of our fun will be “box seats” at a minnesota timberwolves game.  i wonder how much the timberwolves paid us to use the box seats….ha ha…this team is not very good…i wish coach kurt rambis the best, but he has some major overhauling to do.

6.  on this day in 1977, “SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER” opened up in theaters.  the movie was so-so, but the soundtrack to the movie was INCREDIBLE….but it’s also very hard to beleive that “SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER” is 32 years old…man i feel old…

7.  according to a new poll, 50 percent of americans say they’re happy with president obama…the wild thing is 44 percent said they’d rather have george w. bush back in office!!!!  there’s an ego boost for obama…wow…

8.  one of the mascots for the new england patriots was arrested for prostitution over the weekend….oh, so that’s what the patriots mean by “minute man”…….

9.  reports say that the 3-D effects in the new movie “avatar” left some viewers feeling nauseous during preview screenings..i know the feeling…i threw up after spending nine dollars on “land of the lost.”

10.  a woman has been arrested for pouring boiling hot grits on her sleeping boyfriend…he shouldn’t complain..she offered him a hot time in bed that night….

11.  in ohio, a former anesthesiologist has been arrested for making pipe bombs in his mother’s basement.  his mom said “it’s just a hobby.”  and the best news?  LADIES..HE’S SINGLE….


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
    The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,”Take what you want.”
    The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”




random thoughts for friday december 11th, 2009

1.  we have a couple of bigtime celebrity birthdays in our “today and yesterday” segment today…first of all, BOB BARKER turns 86 years old on saturday….BOB BARKER of course, hosted THE PRICE IS RIGHT, and is absolutely killer funny in the ADAM SANDLER movie “HAPPY GILMORE”….here’s picture of a younger BOB BARKER…

and here’s BOB BARKER today at 86…..

also, legendary funnyman DICK VAN DYKE turns 84 on sunday…here’s the man, back in the early years..

and here’s DICK VAN DYKE today at 84…..

2.  an open letter to pittsburgh steelers fans:

dear steelers fans,

as a representative of the washington redskins  fans, i want to offer my consolation to you this morning after your steelers lost to one of the worst teams in football last night.  your loss to the cleveland browns, ranks right up there with my beloved redskins giving the detroit lions thier first win in two seasons……we both know that our steelers and redskins are much better than how they are playing, but at least you guys have a super bowl win recently……to all steelers fan, wipe the tears….piece back together the broken steelers memorabilia from last night, and get ready for another week…check that…get ready for ANOTHER SEASON…

sincerely yours,

jay dean, washington redskins fan

3.  the really sad thing about the browns beating the steelers was that during our football picks yesterday, i just about took cleveland over pittsburgh for my LOCK OF THE WEEK, just to be stupid…..stupid is as stupid does, apparently…..i should have pulled the trigger…i would have looked like socrates today….

4.  one of the worst things to happen at breakfast?  chomping down on scrambled eggs at 4:30 in the morning and finding an EGG SHELL in my eggs….it happened this morning and i just about threw up….you’re cruising thru these really soft eggs, lightly salted, (okay, heavily salted), and then BAM…CRACK….i’m chewing on an egg shell…not a happy camper….

5.  i did have one of my favorite sandwiches in the world the other night…i haven’t eaten one of these for weeks…you know what my favorite sandwich is to make at home?  PEANUT BUTTER AND MIRACLE WHIP….mmmmmmmm……delish…….i know that many of you are gagging right now, but don’t knock em’ until you try em’…..

6.  my son tyler is in the running for the champion of our “family fantasy football league” and he’s so excited that he’s coming home to watch football with me on sunday…i cannot wait…i love having that boy back in the house…scratch that..i mean, that man back in my house….how sad is that…

7.  president obama pledged to give his nobel peace prize money to poor countries….oh great…open your hands america……

8.  someone broke into a logan, utah, public health office and stole 17 URINE SAMPLES from a locked refridgerator…it was either someone afraid of failing a drug test, or someone so high that they mistook them for lemon  jell-o shots…..

9.  nicolas cage is being sued by an ex-girlfriend for 13 MILLION DOLLARS…apparently she’s still pissed that he made her watch ‘GHOST RIDER’…..


A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked, in rhythm as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
    Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins. His eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks.
    When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, “What’d you do that fer?”
    “That’s fer fifty years of bad sex,” she said.
    He nodded his head, but said nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly the man stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit his wife across the shins.
    As soon as her eyes quit watering and she could speak she asked, “What was that fer?””
    That,” said her husband as he began to rock again, “is fer knowin’ the difference.”