random thoughts for tuesday may 17th, 2011



1.  happy birthday wishes are going out to my favorite late night talk show host, CRAIG FERGUSON…CRAIG turns 49 years old today…only two years older than me…i would have guessed a bit older…ANYWAY…do you remember that CRAIG FERGUSON got his tv start on the “DREW CAREY SHOW?”  yep, he played DREW’S butthead boss on the show…..

but, CRAIG FERGUSON is known mostly for hosting the super funny, very creative late night show…

his “co-host” on the late night show is a robot….a VERY FUNNY ROBOT….the robot’s name is JEFFREY PETERSON….

and, oh, by the way, CRAIG did alright in his marriage, too…


2.  big news out of HOLLYWOOD yesterday…legendary comedian JERRY LEWIS is stepping down as host of the “LABOR DAY MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY TELETHON.”  JERRY LEWIS will help out this year again, and he’ll end it by singing his signature song, “YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE.”  he has been hosting the show since 1966……he will still remain as the chairman of MDA…..way over ONE BILLION DOLLARS has been raised since JERRY LEWIS took over….unbeleiveable….let’s salute him, shall we?

JERRY LEWIS got his start doing wild comedy, including pairing up with one of my all time favorite singers, DEAN MARTIN…

he went on to star in numerous movies…he is an ICON in FRANCE…..

here’s the MDA photo of JERRY LEWIS that they have used for years…

JERRY LEWIS has had tons of health problems, and i beleive it was steroids that caused him to get so big a few years ago…

JERRY LEWIS is now 85 years old…


3.  so, i went out the other day and bought a bag of “DUBBLE BUBBLE” gum…remember that?

i used to chew this gum like mad when i was a kid, so i thought it would be “cool” again…MAN WAS I WRONG….BOY DOES THIS GUM SUCK….you can physically only chew a piece or two for about three minutes before YOUR JAW LOCKS UP….i do love the taste, however, so i chew a few for a couple of minutes, spit them out, and try a couple more….don’t think i’ll be buying those anymore….

4.  one thing we keep around the house, year round, is this wonderful product….

we eat freezee pops like they’re going out of style….there’s nothing better after coming in from a hot day to sit down and enjoy one of these babies…or two…or three..or four…..

5.  we have MITCHELL’S graduation reception this saturday in our garage….please, oh, please, let the rain miss us saturday..or let it rain late in the evening…i don’t know if we can get all of those people in our house…ha ha

6.  i was going to watch the LADY GAGA concert on HBO last night, but i decided to go downstairs and poke needles in my eyes, and punch myself in the face for a half hour….

7.  DONALD TRUMP has decided not to run for president…and that upsets me…i was waiting patiently to call the president’s plane, “HAIR FORCE ONE.”

8.  the TALIBAN is now on TWITTER…yep..it’s true…they just wanted a faster way to keep up with what is happening with JUSTIN BIEBER…

9.  there’s a new brownie called “LAZY CAKES”, which is drawing attention because it’s infused with a sleeping aid….critics want it kept away from children, and out of the vending machines near air traffic controllers….

10.  OREO is marketing a new cookie called “THE TRIPLE DOUBLE OREO,” which has three wafers and two layers of cream in chocolate and vanilla….it’s for people who would like to eat two DOUBLE-STUFF OREOS at once, while keeping one hand free to call 911 while having chest pains….

11.  a man from IDAHO was arrested for walking down the street completely nude…he said that he was trying to get over his fear of being naked in public….now he has an even greater fear…being naked in jail….

12.  CHARLIE SHEEN is reportedly devastated upon hearing the news that ASHTON KUTCHER will be taking over for him on ‘TWO AND A HALF MEN.”  hey CHARLIE, here’s a message from all of us for you…..DUH…LOSING….

13.  following her sentencing, LINDSAY LOHAN is telling friends that she won’t use drugs and alcohol anymore, or break the law ever again…hmm…sounds like the booze talking…

14.  comedian ANDY DICK is now being accused of urinating in public…..this man needs help……………and a diaper……


I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.


A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”




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