HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM JAY DEAN AND THE ROCK BAND “KISS.”  (this is pretty cool…)

 

YOUR HALLOWEEN FUNNIES…

ONE OF THE MOST CREATIVE PUMPKIN CARVINGS EVER…

 

1.  your HALLOWEEN celebrity birthday list includes former newsman DAN RATHER….believe it or not, DAN RATHER turns 80 today…….that doesn’t seem possible……here’s DAN back in his younger days….

and here’s DAN RATHER today at 80…..

 

2. actress SALLY KIRKLAND has a milestone birthday…she turns 70 today….she has appeared in movies like, “THE STING”, “A STAR IS BORN,” “THE WAY WE WERE”, and she recieved an ACADEMY AWARD nomination for her role in the movie “ANNA.” here she is years ago….

here’s one with the legendary TONY CURTIS….

and here’s SALLY KIRKLAND today at 70….

 

3.  and here’s one more…..”WINCHESTER” on “M*A*S*H” turns 69 today…that’s actor DAVID OGDEN STIERS……he was the pompous soldier on the show…remember him?  he’s on the far right of this cast photo….

and here’s DAVID OGDEN STIERS today on his 69th birthday…

 

4. in honor of HALLOWEEN, we are going to find out whatever happened to the scary guy VINCENT PRICE….he appeared in such horror classics as the original movie “THE FLY”, plus, “HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, ” “THE HOUSE OF 1,000 DOLLS, ”  “EDWARD SCISSORHANDS,” and many many more…

he also was the voice on MICHAEL JACKSON’S “THRILLER” video…

here’s VINCENT PRICE quite a few years ago….

VINCENT PRICE died in 1993 at the age of 82…here he is in his last few years on earth….

5.  my wife would call me a “HALLOWEEN GRINCH.”  i’m not nuts about this holiday….we stuff our kids full of candy and sugar, when we’re trying to make them cut down on it…..and kids don’t want the “healthy” stuff….and i’m usually exhausted by 6:30, and i don’t want to get out of my chair…ha ha….MAN, I SOUND LIKE I’M TURNING INTO AN OLD MAN…HA HA….uh-oh…i’d better change my frame of mind soon!!

6.  one of the scariest HALLOWEEN’S that i can remember was back when i was in high school when we lived in PIERPONT….a couple, dressed as  old people, came into our house and sat on the couch and watched tv for about a half hour…never said anything…..then just got up and walked out….WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHO THEY WERE….nowdays, we would probably panic because of the creeps that are out there, and with all the abductions and other crap going on….

7.  BERNIE MADOFF told ABC’S BARBARA WALTERS that the worst part of being in prison is knowing that his family hates him….hmm..i would have thought the worst part of prison would be being your cellmate’s “boy toy.”

8.  JACK KEVORKIAN’S “suicide machine” was removed from an auction because it didn’t get a high enough bid….the seller was hoping to make a killing on it….

9.  cops in OHIO pulled over a woman who was going 128 miles per hour, plus was drunk, topless, and only wearing a thong…the cop got quite confused when he tried to read her her rights, when he said, “you have the right to remain sexy…anything,including me could be held against you.”

10.  football star MICHAEL VICK, has bought a new pet…a parrot for his kids….geez…after his dog debacle, does VICK actually want to own a pet who could actually TALK to police?

11.  the east coast was walloped by an early snowstorm over the weekend….it meant record-setting snow for most places…..rescuers were busy this weekend rescuing stranded motorists, and unthawing CHARLIE SHEEN’S tongue from a stripper’s pole….

12.  animal rights activists were asking LADY GAGA to wear a dress made of LETTUCE during her weekend visit to INDIA…they were hoping that after the “meat dress” incident that she would turn over a new leaf….

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and walked up to the bar.
“What will you have?” the bartender asked.
“I’ll have a glass of blood,” the first replied.
“I’ll have a glass of blood, too, please,” said the second.
“I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the third.
“OK, let me get this straight,” the bartender said. “That’ll be two bloods and a blood light?”

OR HOW ABOUT THIS ONE…

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m the Devil,” she responded.
“Well, come on home with me,” he said, “I married your sister.”

 

HAVE A SPOOKY HALLOWEEN!!!

JAY DEAN

 

I’M SO EXCITED…. there’s a christian movie that came out a few weeks ago that FINALLY is coming to CARMIKE today…it’s from the makers of “FIREPROOF.”  it’s called “COURAGEOUS.”

if y0u like super clean movies with a great message, go see this one….that will hopefully make CARMIKE bring more of these to ABERDEEN….

here’s a new movie coming out today that i can’t wait to see….it’s the cat from the “SHREK” movies…it’s called “PUSS IN BOOTS.”

this movie looks quite interesting….

it stars JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, and it’s about people who know when they are going to die, because the time is counting down on their arm….they need to fight to gain more time…sounds good, huh….

it’s called “IN TIME.”

and finally, coming out today is a new movie from JOHNNY DEPP….i normally like a lot of JOHNNY DEPP movies, but this one looks very different…don’t know if i’ll attend this one…

it’s called “THE RUM DIARIES.”

YAY!! IT’S MY FAVORITE DAY!!

 

YOUR FRIDAY FUNNIES!!!

 

1.  happy birthday wishes are going out today to actress ANNIE POTTS…she is 59 today..yep…knockin’ on the door to 60!!!

ANNIE has been in a lot of great roles, including the movie “GHOSTBUSTERS.”

of course, her biggest role was on “DESIGNING WOMEN.” she’s leaning on her arm in the front….

ANNIE also is the voice of “BO PEEP” in all of the “TOY STORY” movies…

here is ANNIE POTTS today on her 59th birthday…

 

2.  actor RICHARD DREYFUSS will turn 64 on saturday…we best remember him from the incredibly suspenseful movie “JAWS.”  here is is with ROBERT SHAW on the left, ROY SCHEIDER in the middle, and then RICHARD DREYFUSS….

he also had great roles in the movies “CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, ” “MR. HOLLAND’S OPUS,” and my favorite role of his, as the psychiatrist  taking care of BILL MURRAY’S character in “WHAT ABOUT BOB?”

and don’t forget “AMERICAN GRAFFITI.”

here’s RICHARD DREYFUSS today on the eve of his 64th birthday…

 

3.  and finally, rocker GRACE SLICK of “JEFFERSON AIRPLANE”, unbelievably turns 72 on sunday….man, she was a hottie back in the day…check out today….

 

4.  here’s my favorite JEFFERSON STARSHIP song, “MIRACLES.”

http://youtu.be/RuX9SEMMT60

 

5.  HOW ABOUT THOSE ABERDEEN WINGS?

our beloved ABERDEEN WINGS hockey team ROCKED the MINOT MINOTAURS  last night 5-0….and trust me on this, i think the WINGS have a brand new rival…man, these guys went at it all last night, and you could see them trashtalking and nailing each other to the wall BIG TIME….should be a fun series to watch….last year it was BISMARCK that was our big rivals, this year i think MINOT takes over that position…..

6.  YAY!! IT’S “KANSAS” DAY!!!!  they are playing tonight at the DAKOTA MAGIC CASINO near HANKINSON, and TYLER, MITCHELL, AND I will be there….

here’s one more video…here’s their classic “CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON.”

http://youtu.be/PVH-u9gIy8s

7.  new research shows what candy you give out for halloween reflects who you are and what you like….for example, if you give out granola bars, you apparently like having your house egged and toilet papered….

8.  there’s a boy in DENVER who wants to join the girl scouts…he now has more time after getting voted off of “DANCING WITH THE STARS” on tuesday night…

9.  in BAY VILLAGE, OHIO, a man returning from a halloween party dressed as the teletubby “tinky winky”, was arrested for drunk driving…and yes, you guessed it, the cops made him “tinky winky” in a specimen cup…

10.  a woman in MARIETTA, GEORGIA was arrested the other day for allegedly stealing TWENTY SIX BOXES OF CONDOMS…geez…what the hell kind of halloween party was she planning on having?

11.  BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD returned to MTV last night…it’s nice that MTV is finally classing it up after “JERSEY SHORE.’  by the way, don’t mistake BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD with the republican debate!!!

12.  the defense for MICHAEL JACKSON’S doctor CONRAD MURRAY had patients testify on his behalf….umm…at least the ones who are STILL ALIVE….

13.  LINDSAY LOHAN was photographed leaving her morgue community service carrying two designer purses worth $4,000 dollars….LINDSAY was quoted as saying that these purses were “to die for.”

14.  JUSTIN BIEBER was pulled over by cops this week after cutting off a police officer in his “batman” themed cadillac…police just gave him a warning…..that he has about two minutes left of his 15 minutes of fame…

15.  a 60 year old SANTA FE woman was arrested for repeatedly stabbing her boyfriend whom she claimed was cheating at a game of MONOPOLY…

i have a message for her…

GO TO JAIL…GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL…DO NOT PASS GO…DO NOT COLLECT $200 DOLLARS…..

16.  JOKE OF THE DAY: (thanks LINDA…)

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. 

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she
Had endured. 

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the
therapist got up, walked around the desk; and after asking the wife to
stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, ” This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this? ”

‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on
Fridays, I fish. ‘ 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY…

JAY DEAN

HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYBODY!! ONE DAY CLOSER TO THE WEEKEND!!

 

HERE ARE YOUR THURSDAY FUNNIES!!!

 

1.  happy 72nd birthday wishes are going out to former MONTY PYTHON member JOHN CLEESE….remember him?  he’s the guy in the middle of the front row….

in addition to MONTY PYTHON, JOHN CLEESE has starred in such movies as “A FISH CALLED WANDA,”  “RAT RACE”, a couple of HARRY POTTER movies, and he’s the voice of “KING HAROLD” in the “SHREK” movies….he would be FIONA’S papa…

here is JOHN CLEESE today on his 72nd birthday…

AND THIS IS PRETTY COOL…

the gang from “MONTY PYTON” reunited for a picture last year….

back row is ERIC IDLE, JOHN CLEESE AND MICHAEL PALIN…

front row is TERRY JONES AND TERRY GILLIAM….

 

2.  remember tv personality JAYNE KENNEDY?  she was crowned MISS OHIO back in 1970, and was one of the semi-finalists for MISS AMERICA….

she is the first woman to dig into the man’s world of the NFL…she helped co-host and do sideline reporting for the NFL TODAY…

this seems kind of crazy, but JAYNE KENNEDY turns 60 today…yep…sixty….here she is today…

 

3.  big tv news today…

TONIGHT IS THE RETURN OF “BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD” TO MTV!!!

when this show was first on MTV, i was NOT a fan….probably because my boys were small and they definetly could not watch it…but, as time goes on, i’ve grown to appreciate the show, and even laugh at the stupid antics that they knuckleheads do…..

the show has been missing from tv for awhile, but will debut again, tonight at 9:00 our time on MTV….i’m probably going to set the DVR….

4.  okay, here’s my question for today…..if a huge group of deer are up running when i’m going to work out in the morning at 3:30am, shouldn’t they be tired in the afternoon and evening?  that would mean staying the heck off the roads all day long…..geez..don’t they need 8 hours of sleep like everybody else?

5.  KANSAS is performing tomorrow night at the DAKOTA MAGIC CASINO near HANKINSON, N.D…..just a short drive from here…as i mentioned yesterday, my boys and i are going…hope to see you there…here’s another video by the guys…

this is “POINT OF NO RETURN.”

http://youtu.be/60A1yKc2hi4

6.  alright, these are GUARANTEED to make you laugh…here are some tv news bloopers…

THESE ARE SO GOOD…

http://youtu.be/WrpaCOb_BGk

7.  a man from PENNSYLVANIA admitted to making over FOUR HUNDRED lewd prank phone calls in ONE DAY…police don’t know whether to put him in jail, or get him a job in radio….

8.  MUAMMAR GADDAFI reported had 200 billion dollars stashed away….most of it from working his side job as an avon representative….

9.  it has now been confirmed that AEROSMITH lead singer and AMERICAN IDOL judge, STEVEN TYLER, slipped in the shower and had several teeth knocked out….he confirmed it himself when he said, “yeth….it’th true.”

10.  according to a coroner’s report, singer AMY WHINEHOUSE died from drinking too much booze…SHOCKING, HUH?  that’s why doctors always warn you not to mix scotch, bourbon, tequila, gin, vodka, rum, whiskey and tickle pink wine….

11.  as i mentioned yesterday, TMZ.COM is reporting that LINDSAY LOHAN is not doing a discreet teasing shoot for PLAYBOY, but a full frontal and rear shoot that shows EVERYTHING…to LINDSAY it’s no big deal…she’s been strip searched so many times that it’s now normal to her….

12.  it’s estimated that 400 jobs have already been lost because of the NBA lockout…most of them are tattoo artists, hookers, and drug dealers…

13.  one of JOHN LENNON’S teeth will be auctioned off next month, and it’s expected to go for around $15,000 dollars….i’m sure he lost it from gritting his teeth everytime that YOKO ONO was singing…

14.  a performance artist gave LIVE BIRTH to her first child in front of an audience in a BROOKLYN art gallery….the crowd went crazy with applause, and then started booing when there was no encore…

15.  JOKES OF THE DAY:

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
     “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”
     “Very good,” said her mother.
     “Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl asked.
     “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said her mother.
     The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”
     “Very good,” said her mother.
     “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
     “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”
     The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
     “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.
     “Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”
     “No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.”

OKAY, HOW ‘BOUT THIS ONE …

     There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
     God says, “There are 3,000 steps and I’ll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell.”
     So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.
     Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.
     On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn’t laugh and she proceeds to the gate.
     Suddenly, she bursts out laughing.
     God asks, “What are you laughing about?”
     She replies, “I just got the first joke!”

HAVE A GREAT THURSDAY…

JAY DEAN

 

HAPPY WEDNESDAY EVERYBODY!!

HERE ARE YOUR WEDNESDAY FUNNIES!!

1.  AND NOW, A NOMINEE FOR BEST HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS…(this is awesome)

2.  today we are going to feature the original “CHARLIE’S ANGELS”, because today is JACLYN SMITH’S 66th birthday…..and she is STILL GORGEOUS…

here is the cast of the original show…KATE JACKSON on the right, FARRAH FAWCETT in the middle, and JACLYN SMITH on the left…

here’s JACLYN SMITH today on her 66th birthday….wow…

here’s actress KATE JACKSON today at the age of 62….

we all know that FARRAH FAWCETT had a much publicized battle with cancer, and died in 2009 at the age of 62….

here it is gentlemen…the poster that EVERYBODY had stapled or taped to their ceiling and bedroom walls…

and here’s FARRAH during her battle with cancer…

2.  and we all know that CHERYL LADD was also in later episodes of the show….did you know that she lived for awhile in HURON?  yep…i had a good friend in college at NORTHERN who had CHERYL LADD as his babysitter when he was young…WHAT A LUCKY DUDE!!

here’s CHERYL LADD today at the age of 60….

3.  also today, actress LAUREN TEWES, who played JULIE on “LOVE BOAT” is celebrating birthday number 57…..here she is in her younger days, in case you can’t remember what she looked like…

and here’s LAUREN TEWES today on her 57th birthday…

4.  I CAN’T WAIT FOR FRIDAY….my sons TYLER AND MITCHELL AND I, are going to see the rock band KANSAS friday night at the DAKOTA MAGIC CASINO NEAR HANKINSON, N.D……

i do believe that tickets are still available if you want to go…

here are a couple of KANSAS videos of songs i can’t wait to hear…and by the way, i’m SO THANKFUL that my boys love a lot of the music from my younger years…it makes concert going fun….

here’s “DUST IN THE WIND.”

http://youtu.be/VPXLCnYm4z8

and here’s one of my favorite KANSAS songs..  it’s “PEOPLE OF THE SOUTH WIND.”

http://youtu.be/xZz5TaNDrOU

5.  JEANNIE is really into the show “THE BIGGEST LOSER.”  sorry, just can’t get into it….everytime i walk in the room somebody is crying…..the show just isn’t for me….i’d rather watch reruns of “30 ROCK.”

6.  yesterday i had a survey on the radio about msn.com deciding what the most scary movies of all time were…i didn’t care for the list, because, it had “THE EXORCIST”, “THE SHINING”, and others way down the list…and it didn’t even mention “PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.”

here are my top five scary movies of all time:

(5).  “THE EVIL DEAD.”  this was a movie that was very hot when i was in college…my roommate MARK and I watched this movie over and over and were FREAKED out every time….

(4.)  “PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.”  this is the first of the three movies they’ve had out so far….this one gave me nightmares….it totally messed with my mind, and i watched part of the movie behind my hands…..that’s when i know it’s a good horror movie…when i can’t even look at the screen periodically…

(3.)  “NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.”  the original one….it seems like with everyone that they made after this, you started CHEERING for FREDDY KRUEGER to kill people…ha ha

i went to see this one during a late night showing in ABERDEEN…my friend MIKE went with me, and once again, i was freaked out….at that time, i lived out in a farm with my friend PAUL, and it was between ROSLYN AND PIERPONT…the farm was scary enough, but when i got home that night, PAUL had every light in the house off…INCLUDING THE OUTDOOR POLE LIGHT….terrifying….

(2.)  “THE GRUDGE.”  wow….this one every scares me today when i watch it……the woman and boy in the movie were creepy….

we watched this movie with some “family members” who will remain nameless due to embarrassment….ha ha…anyway, a girl screamed during the movie, and it turned out to be one of the males watching the movie…cracked us up….

(1.)  and number one?  a movie that MANY of you would have as number one….

this movie was, and is, just creepy and horrifying….i remember watching it for the first time when i was in high school…after the movie, i was asked to run across the street IN COMPLETE DARKNESS, to get a diaper for our  neighbors baby…when i was running back, my brother TROY was hiding behind a tree…he hollered my name, “JAY”, in the scary devil voice from the movie…i started crying and fell to my knees instantly….evidently i’m still scarred from that event….ha ha

7.  FACEBOOK is teaming up with the LABOR DEPARTMENT to help the unemployed find jobs…which seems appropriate being FACEBOOK is the reason many have quit their jobs or have been fired….

8.  consumer confidence unexpectedly dropped to it’s lowest level in two and a half years in october….it was sparked by men’s fears that women wouldn’t be able to find slutty halloween costumes….

9.  the MCRIB is back at MCDONALD’S…just like the reverend HAROLD CAMPING predicted….

10.  a new study shows that watching too much porn can partially kill a man’s interest in sex….and watching too much of “THE VIEW” or the “ROSIE O’DONNELL SHOW” will kill men’s sex drive COMPLETELY…

11.  on tuesday, police in OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA began breaking up the “occupy OAKLAND” protests….two OAKLAND RAIDERS quarterbacks were there and tried to run, but were INTERCEPTED by police…

12.  TMZ says that LINDSAY LOHAN will be appearing naked in PLAYBOY magazine soon….yuck…by the way, this is a new way for her to get busted….

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

MINNEAPOLIS MCDONALD’S have released a new sandwich called “THE MCNABB”…you order it and they throw it at your feet….

actually, i like their other sandwich the “four quarter PONDER.”

(thanks to ROBIN and TRAVIS for that one)

HAVE A GREAT WEDNESDAY EVERYBODY…

JAY DEAN

SMILE EVERYBODY…IT’S TUESDAY….

YOUR TUESDAY FUNNIES!!

I WILL BE PUSHING THE “YES” BUTTON….

1.  today we’re going to find out whatever happened to singer NANCY SINATRA…she, of course, is the daughter of the late FRANK SINATRA…..NANCY burst on the scene back in the 60’s with the classic song “THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN’..”  you’ll hear this song shortly!!!

here are a couple of pictures of NANCY SINATRA back in her heyday….

i’ll bet you about everybody had these albums…i  know my MOM AND DAD did…

by the way, LEE passed away in 2007 at the age of 78….

here’s NANCY SINATRA today…she’s now 71 years old….and i think she had some lip work done….

 

2.  we simply MUST do a couple of NANCY SINATRA videos…

this is my favorite song that she did….because it’s with one of my favorite singers of all time, DEAN MARTIN…

here comes “THINGS.”

http://youtu.be/tBU1okBsAuA

she also had a fantastic song with her daddy called “SOMETHING STUPID.”

http://youtu.be/u6bOCUOPN0w

and i would be making a big mistake if i didn’t play her huge hit ‘THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN’…”

http://youtu.be/MnQcExGaEvk

and this is my favorite NANCY SINATRA and LEE HAZELWOOD song…it’s a pop remake of the JOHNNY CASH AND JUNE CARTER CASH classic “JACKSON”.

http://youtu.be/rnkuRQ8tjIE

3.  wow….the mom from “HAPPY DAYS” is turning 83 today…that’s right, MARION ROSS is closer to 85 than she is 80…here she is on the show and today…

4.  here’s another one i cannot believe…..singer HELEN REDDY turns 70 today…yep…SEVENTY….man, i thought she was such a beautiful young woman, and had one heck of a voice…here’s HELEN REDDY years ago….back in the early 70’s, to be exact…

and here’s HELEN REDDY today on her 70th birthday…

5.  and i HAVE TO play a video by HELEN REDDY…this is my favorite song by her…”LEAVE ME ALONE, RUBY RED DRESS.”

http://youtu.be/sKfqHsiHWJU

6.  i am definetly not a big drinker, but i enjoy a nice glass of wine sometimes…when i was at the pastor’s retreat in COLORADO, they turned me on to a fantastic wine…they said the women that come to the retreat absolutely LOVE it…and i can see why…

it’s called “STELLA ROSA” red wine…it’s delicious…

they do have it in ABERDEEN at a “family owned” grocery store….

 

7.  several of MICHELE BACHMANN’S former campaign aides have released a statement saying that they were engaged in a campaign that was “RUDE, DISHONEST, UNPROFESSIONAL AND CRUEL.”  hmm….sounds like she’s PERFECT to be president…..

8.  a new poll found that half of young adults think there won’t be any social security by the time they retire…but, on the positive side, they probably won’t have to worry about retiring….

9.  MALLIE’S SPORTS BAR AND GRILL in SOUTHGATE, MICHIGAN, is offering the world’s biggest hamburger…a 338 pound burger called the “absolutely ridiculous burger.”  if you’re on a diet they’re offering low-fat mayonaise….and by the way, it feeds about 300 people, or a dozen AMERICANS….and if you eat most of it, they’re offering a 20 percent discount on the new “extra belly fat ridiculous casket.”

10.  ratings for “TWO AND A HALF MEN” have been plummeting in the wake of ASHTON KUTCHER’S alleged affair with a 22 year old party girl…..yep….that’s because partying and sleeping with wild women have NEVER been a part of that show before….

11.  actor JON VOIGHT says he’s working on rebuilding a relationship with his estranged daughter ANGELINA JOLIE…apparently he forged a birth certificate and changed his name to QUAI CHANG and tricked ANGELINA into adopting him.

12.  fans of MTV’S “JERSEY SHORE” can rent the house where the show is taped for $2500 dollars a night….and when the show’s not taping, the house is a lot like SNOOKI…the lights are on, but nobody’s home…

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved three year old grandson. It’s obvious to her that Grandpa has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle and other similar aisles. Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, “Easy Albert, we won’t be long …. easy boy.”
    Another outburst and she hears Gramps calmly say, “It’s okay Albert just a couple more minutes and we will be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
    At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Gramps again in a controlled voice says, “Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We will be home in five minutes, stay cool, Albert.”
    Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. You know sir, it’s none of my business but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay …… “Albert is very lucky to have you as his Grandpa.”
    “Thanks lady said Gramps, but actually I’m Albert ….. the little brat’s name is Steve.”

HAVE A TERRIFIC TUESDAY EVERYBODY…THANKS FOR READING THE BLOG…

JAY DEAN