HAPPY MONDAY EVERYBODY!!

HERE’S YOUR MONDAY FUNNY!!

 

1.  happy birthday wishes are going out to actor KEVIN KLINE….he turns 64 years old today…..he’s known for great movies like “DAVE”, “THE BIG CHILL”, “SOPHIE’S CHOICE”, “WILD WILD WEST”, and many more.  here he is a few years back.

here is KEVIN KLINE today on his 64th birthday…

do you know who KEVIN KLINE is married to?  it’s super hot actress PHOEBE CATES….

you will probably remember PHOEBE CATES for her infamous scene in “FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH.”

 

2.  today we’re going to find out whatever happened to the brother/sister duo of KRISTY AND JIMMY MCNICHOL…they, of course, were teen magazine staples back in the 70’s….first let’s check out KRISTY…

i had a huge crush on her for many years back in the 70’s….

KRISTY MCNICHOL is now 49 years old….

meanwhile, her brother JIMMY MCNICHOL is now 50 years old…i’m sure you remember him….many of you ladies probably had his picture taped to your bedroom walls….

did you know that the brother/sister duo had an album together?

here’s JIMMY MCNICHOL today at 50….

 

3.  WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT….last night JEANNIE AND I went to see “PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3″….i was so so so excited to see it, because i LOVED the first two….this one was about how the whole thing started years ago….here’s my critique…

this movie was super super scary….JEANNIE had her hands over her eyes most of the movie…many times i was also hiding my eyes….some of the “scares” in the early part of the movie were human scares…you know, people jumping out and scaring someone, etc…..but when the true scares started, it was awesome…but the premise and the END of the movie were horrible….i was so disappointed…..i hear that number four is coming out next year, and i don’t know how they are going to “fix” this movie…..

half the awesomeness of the first two was NOT SEEING THE DEMON….you didn’t see much of it this movie, either, but at the end you see how it all started, and in my opinion, it was stupid…

now, keep in mind, I’M JUST ONE OPINION….if you want to go see it, go see it…..i’m just offering my opinion on a movie i was DYING to see….(no pun intended…)

4.  well, VIKINGS fans, i think you may have found your future quarterback…CHRISTIAN PONDER made his debut yesterday for the MINNESOTA VIKINGS, and kept the VIKES in the game against the reigning super bowl champs, the GREEN BAY PACKERS…many. so called, “professional prognosticators”, predicted that MINNESOTA would get pounded by the PACKERS…it didn’t happen, mainly because PONDER kept them in the game…..he threw two stupid interceptions, but hey, it was his first game…i think the future is bright for you VIKINGS fans….

5.  sundays sermon that i did in HECLA AND HOUGHTON was on “love”…there’s no easier sermon to write and talk about than “love”…you can pretty much talk for a half hour just out of the heart….

6.  i went off on my facebook page yesterday over how NFL players celebrate and act cocky on the field….my thing is this….YOU ARE PAID TREMENDOUSLY TO DO YOUR JOB…so, do it, get back in the huddle and shut up…..STEVE SMITH of the CAROLINA PANTHERS was ridiculous yesterday…..i wanted to reach in the tv and hit him…and no, it wasn’t because he was playing my REDSKINS…i have REDSKINS players who do it to, and it angers me greatly….

7.  the newest BARBIE doll to hit the stores is getting negative buzz because she is sporting tattoos……hmm….i think they should release another BARBIE, and have her with a shaved head and no underwear…call it “BRITNEY BARBIE.”

8.  the birth rate in CALIFORNIA is the lowest since the great depression….it’s a result of a poor economy and the fact that ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER hasn’t hired a new maid yet….

9.  everybody was suprised over the weekend that MUAMMAR GADDAFI’S corpse was on display in a shopping center freezer…well, that’s the risk you take when you have LINDSAY LOHAN working in the morgue….

10.  speaking of LINDSAY LOHAN, TMZ is reporting that she spent her first day working at the morgue washing soiled linens and scrubbing toilets….LINDSAY commented that being hunched over a toilet brought back many fond memories….

11.  PRESIDENT OBAMA will appear on the ‘TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO”, next week….with a tough re-election fight coming up, OBAMA wants to get a few tips from LENO on how to steal his job back….

12.  well, the REVEREND HAROLD CAMPING was wrong again…the world did not end this past friday…..DANG IT…i had hoped to get out of raking leaves this weekend…

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

a rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher called time out to go talk to him….the catcher told him, “i’ve figured out your problem…you always lose control at the exact same time of every game.”  the pitcher said, “so when is that?” and the catcher said, “right after the star spangled banner!!”

HAVE A GREAT MONDAY EVERYBODY…

JAY DEAN

 

 

1.  most importantly…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD…MY MAMA….

i don’t care who knows it, I AM A MAMA’S BOY….my mom means everything to me….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART…HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY….

here’s MAMA with my sister KRISTA…

2.  the funny line of the day came from my son MITCHELL yesterday…here’s what he said…

“ISN’T IT WEIRD THAT EVERYONE THAT I KNOW NAMED “MOAMMAR” DIED TODAY?”

he’s such a funny kid…and by the way…

GOOD RIDDANCE GADHAFI….

3.  and finally, it was BREAST CANCER AWARENESS NIGHT at the WARNER-RONCALLI girls volleyball game the other night…almost all of the gym was dressed up in pink….it was AWESOME…here’s a picture of my beautiful wife and some dork at the game….

geez i’m a lucky man….every single day i thank GOD for her…..

SORRY ABOUT THE MISSED BLOG YESTERDAY…I WENT HOME SICK EARLY, AND IT TOOK EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY JUST TO FINISH MY RADIO SHOW…SO, I’LL HOPEFULLY MAKE IT UP TO YOU TODAY WITH A GREAT BLOG….(for once..ha ha)

YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS!!!

HERE COME YOUR FRIDAY FUNNIES!!!!!

1.  happy birthday wishes are going out today to actress CARRIE FISHER, who turns 55 today…..CARRIE, of course, is the daughter of EDDIE FISHER and DEBBIE REYNOLDS….

all of us, especially us guys, remember CARRIE as the super sexy PRINCESS from “STAR WARS.”

recently i saw CARRIE FISHER on an HBO special called “WISHFUL DRINKING.”  it’s a “live” show where she talks about her life…IF YOU EVER GET THE CHANCE TO SEE IT, WATCH IT…it is super funny, and very revealing…

here’s CARRIE FISHER today on her double-nickel, 55th birthday….

 

2.  the wild and wacky CHRISTOPHER LLOYD will turn 73 on saturday…..we remember him as the crazy “JIM” on “TAXI.”

and, of course, opposite MICHAEL J. FOX in “BACK TO THE FUTURE.”

he also played the villian on “WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?”

CHRISTOPHER LLOYD also played “UNCLE FESTER” on the “ADDAMS FAMILY” movies…

here is CHRISTOPHER LLLOYD today on the eve of his 73rd birthday…

 

3.  also on saturday, the little boy from the “JERRY MCGUIRE”, and “STUART LITTLE” movies will turn 21…actor JONATHAN LIPNICKI can finally have a drink in the bar on saturday..ha ha…like he probably hasn’t already…anyway, i’m sure you remember him…

and here he is today…

 

4.  BRING ON THE WINGS, BABY….

the ABERDEEN WINGS take on their arch rival BISMARCK BOBCATS tonight and saturday night at the ODDE ICE ARENA….if you haven’t been to a game yet, this might be the series to see…..

5.  one of my favorite parts of HALLOWEEN season is watching scary movies…I LOVE HORROR MOVIES….and so do my boys….i don’t care what i do this weekend, I WILL BE SEEING “PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3.”

the trailer for the movie, and critics, are saying that “THE FINAL FIFTEEN MINUTES OF THIS MOVIE WILL CHANGE YOU FOREVER..”

AWESOME…CAN’T WAIT TO BE CHANGED….(it will probably be my pants that need changing.)

6.  big weekend for my beautiful wife and i…we are going to ATTEMPT to make a gingerbread house for the DACOTAH PRAIRIE MUSEUM….

and i am challenging YOU to make one as well, so we can have them on exhibit at the museum over the holiday season…

THE GINGERBREAD HOUSES MUST BE DONE BY NOVEMBER FIRST…..you can get your registration forms  online at dacotahprairiemuseum.com, or stop by the museum and pick one up….

7.  one of my wife’s favorite parts of halloween is the HAUNTED FOREST…so, we’ll be going either tonight or saturday night…i love it because she clings tightly to me…ha ha

8.  radio preacher/wacko HAROLD CAMPING is predicting that TODAY is again, the last day of the world…..i doubt it….i don’t think GOD would ruin a good weekend…he would probably end the world on a MONDAY….

9.  the AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS says that children under the age of TWO should not watch ANY TV….sounds easy, but it’s going to be tough…especially if their blackberry service goes out again…

10.  a new study says that teenager’s I.Q. can go up and down dramatically…up when they are in school…way down when they are watching “JERSEY SHORE,” or “THE KARDASHIANS.”

11.  JUSTIN BIEBER and LADY GAGA will be on ‘DICK CLARK’S ROCKIN’ NEW YEAR’S EVE’ party this year….that’s just cruel….after his stroke DICK CLARK has to say the words “BIEBER” and ‘GAGA”?  who the heck planned this out?

12.  one day after having her probation revoked, LINDSAY LOHAN was LATE to do her community service at a morgue, and she was locked out…LINDSAY says that she was thrilled to be locked out instead of being locked in….by the way, once LINDSAY got into the morgue to work, she was shocked to open up one of the morgue drawers and find her career lying on it…..

13.  in another LOHAN moment, LINDSAY’S dad, MICHAEL LOHAN said in an interview that his daughter is either smoking crack or meth….which, in the LOHAN family is their version of the “TASTES GREAT”, “LESS FILLING” debate…..

14.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

“A TOUCHING GOLF STORY”

dave stood over his tee box on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed like an eternity….he waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn’t start his back swing.

finally his completely frustrated partner said, “for goodness sakes dave, what the heck is taking you so long?”

dave said, “my wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony, so i want to make this the perfect shot!”

his golfing partner then replied, “just go ahead and swing, dummy, you don’t have a chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

AH, YES, A GOODIE…HA HA

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY….

JAY DEAN

 

OH, C’MON…IT’S NOT THAT BAD….

 

YOUR WEDNESDAY FUNNIES!!!

THIS ACTUALLY APPEARED IN A NEWSPAPER….WOW…

 

1.  happy birthday wishes are going out today to former “first child” AMY CARTER…she is the daughter of former PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER, and his wife ROSALYNN…AMY turns 44 today…everybody remembers her….

here’s a current picture of AMY CARTER on her wedding day recently….

 

2.  does anybody remember the “embarrassment” of the CARTER years in the WHITE HOUSE?  it was JIMMY CARTER’S brother, JIMMY CARTER….he was kind of a goofball, who ended up making his own beer, “BILLY BEER.”  here he is….

the “class” of the CARTER presidential years was his mother LILLIAN….she was wonderful…

BILLY CARTER died in 1988 at the age of 51…LILLIAN CARTER died in 1983 at the age of 85……

3.  today we are going to find out whatever happened to singer GORDON LIGHTFOOT….he is definetly one of my favorite singers, and i LOVE a bunch of his music….

here are a couple of GORDON LIGHTFOOT’S famous album covers from the 70’s…..

GORDON LIGHTFOOT is still out there performing, but we almost lost him back in 2002…he was onstage, and when he was done he complained of stomach pain…turns out it was a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm.  he had four major surgeries, and was in the hospital for more than three months.

nowdays, GORDON LIGHTFOOT is back on tour….I had the distinct honor of meeting him in SIOUX FALLS a couple of years back…here is GORDON LIGHTFOOT, yours truly, and radio legend DENNY PITMAN…..my brother TROY is shy…he’s hanging out in the background….

 

4.  when JEANNIE AND I were at BUFFALO BILL CODY’S home in NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA the other day, we learned a bit of trivia that we didn’t know….did you know that many years ago, there were between 25-35 million buffalo roaming the land in our country?  yep….they were thinned down to around 350 years later…..the number is up today, but not NEAR as what it was years ago…AMAZING…..

5.  last night while feeling under the weather, i was lying on the couch watching tv….a two hour show came on that talked indepth about the movie “SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.”  it was superb…i love watching documentaries on movies like that…..after that, there was a two hour show on “FATAL ATRACTION”, but i missed that because i took nyquil and was completely zoned out…..

6.  i did sleep most of the afternoon yesterday, but during the times i woke up i found out one thing….AFTERNOON TV SUCKS….wow…there is nothing on that’s really worth watching….i had to resort to re-runs of CRAIG FERGUSON’S late night tv show….which i LOVE, by the way….

7.  VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN said that AMERICANS have to spend more money on education because our students are “the kite strings that lift our national ambitions aloft.”  hmm…up until now i didn’t realize that it was the STRINGS that got the kites off the ground……

8.  retail sales were up in september…that’s the good news…the bad news is that sales were up because everybody was buying HALLMARK  “sorry you got laid off” cards….

9.  a competitor at the “world scrabble championships” demanded his opponent be strip searched after the disappearance of the letter “G.”  the letter “G” was later found sponsoring an episode of SESAME STREET.

10.  in TORONTO, a 100 year old man became the first centurion ever to run a full marathon….i think i could run a marathon when i’m 100…but i would have to get started right now…

11.  EMINEM, KEITH RICHARDS, AND LIL’ WAYNE appear on the cover of the new issue of “G.Q.” magazine, named as the “GODS OF ROCK.”  of course, when you’re talking about KEITH RICHARDS, the word “ROCK” refers to his LIVER….

12.  over seven million people tuned in for the second season of AMC’S “THE WALKING DEAD”, which is a drama about zombies….another two million people tried to watch the show but eventually found out they were watching the republican presidential debate….

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

     An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds.
    “Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.”
     “How can you tell?” asked the American.
     “I can feel the cold air,” he replied.
     A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. “Aah we’re right over my homeland,” he said.
     “How do you know that?” asked the Russian.
     “I can feel the heat of the desert.”
     Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. “Aah, we’re right over New York.”
     The Russian and the African were amazed. “How do you know that?” they exclaimed.
     The American pulled his hand up. “My watch is missing.”

HAVE AN AWESOME WEDNESDAY EVERYBODY…

JAY DEAN

 

MAKE UP YOUR MIND…WHICH DAY DO YOU HATE?

 

YOUR TUESDAY FUNNIES!!!

 

1.  legendary rock-n-roller CHUCK BERRY is turning 85 today….here’s an early photo of him…

as far as i know, CHUCK BERRY is still performing today…and still a guitar whiz…..here he is recently….

 

2.  how about some CHUCK BERRY music to listen to?  man, these are classics…

here’s “JOHNNY B. GOODE.”

http://youtu.be/lNeEb7I3bwI

this was a fun little novelty song…it’s “MY DING-A-LING.”

http://youtu.be/UaEC-lWSlmI

 

3.  so, the debate rages on….MARY ANN OR GINGER on “GILLIGAN’S ISLAND?”  easy…it’s MARY ANN for me….GINGER was too “HOLLYWOOD” and “stuffy”….MARY ANN was the girl next door that you could bring home to your parents…

she was played by actress DAWN WELLS, who turns 73 today….here’s that little hottie back in the 60’s….

DAWN WELLS was in ABERDEEN a few years back, and i had the chance to meet her…she’s a lovely woman…here’s DAWN WELLS today at 73….

 

4.  and finally, “JOANIE” from “HAPPY DAYS” is celebrating a birthday…it’s ERIN MORAN’S 51st birthday today…..remember her?

here she is on the show, and with SCOTT BAIO…..he played “CHACHI”….

and here’s ERIN MORAN today at 51…..

 

5.  i hate this feeling…i can tell i’m coming down with something….not super sick right now, but can feel it moving in…man, i hope it bypasses me…way too much going on to be sick….

6.  wow…that highway stretch between MISSION and INTERSTATE 90 is boring as heck…..there’s nothing to look at, and it’s hard to pass because of all the hills and such…..that was probably the longest stretch going to NORTH PLATTE this past weekend….

7.  ARE YOU READY TO BUILD A GINGERBREAD HOUSE?

i will be building a gingerbread house for the DACOTAH PRAIRIE MUSEUM, and i challenge you to do so, too……your gingerbread house will be on display at the museum during the holidays…so, get going…we have to have our gingerbread houses ready by november first…

8.  BILL CLINTON said that he thought he was going to have a heart attack when LADY GAGA performed at his 65th birthday…..the same kind of heart attack that he suffered when HILLARY found an intern under his desk…

9.  ASHTON KUTCHER apparently left his and DEMI MOORE’S house after a moving truck was in their driveway….how ironic and funny would it be if CHARLIE SHEEN moved in?

10.  actor ZACHARY QUINTO, who played “SPOCK” in the last STAR TREK movie has declared that he is gay….first SULU came out…now the new SPOCK…no wonder everyone was fighting to go down in the ENTERPRISE’S steam room….

11.  LINDSAY LOHAN has been ordered back into court today to face accusations of parole violations that could send her to prison for up to a year and a half…or in HOLLYWOOD celebrity time, 12 minutes….

12.  reaction continues to the “OCCUPY WALL STREET” movement spreading to different parts of the country…..it even spread to NEW JERSEY with protestors camped out…..then they realized it was just the cast of “JERSEY SHORE” passed out on the sidewalks again…

13.  the rock band “KISS” has thier first ever cruise ship concert the other day…in related news, the tv show “THE WALKING DEAD” was on tv sunday night…

14.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
    He says to the waiter, “Want coffee.”
    The waiter says, “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.”
    He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
    The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
    The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Want coffee.”
    The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”
    The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”

HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY EVERYBODY…

JAY DEAN

 

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYBODY…HOPE YOUR WEEKEND WAS BETTER THAN THIS GUYS…

 

HERE COME YOUR MONDAY FUNNIES!!!

 

1.  happy birthday wishes today are going out to actress MARGOT KIDDER…she turns 63 today….you probably best remember her as LOIS LANE, opposite CHRISTOPHER REEVES in the 1978 movie “SUPERMAN”….

MARGOT KIDDER is also known for movies like “THE GREAT WALDO PEPPER” with ROBERT REDFORD, and the cult classic 1973 movie “SISTERS.”

here is MARGOT KIDDER today on her 63rd birthday…

 

2.  today we will find out whatever happened to actress BARBARA HERSHEY….she was, and is, a very beautiful actress, who appeared in such movies as “BEACHES” with JOHN HEARD and BETTE MIDLER…

she also was in a horror movie that TERRIFIED me called “THE ENTITY.”

 

BARBARA HERSHEY also appeared in movies like “HANNAH AND HER SISTERS, “BLACK SWAN”, and she was nominated for a GOLDEN GLOBE for her portrayal as MARY MAGDALENE in the MARTIN SCORSESE movie “THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST.”

BARBARA HERSHEY is now 63 years old, and appears to get more beautiful with age….

 

3.  speaking of scary movies, last night while watching tv, a movie trailer came on for the movie “PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3”, which comes out this friday….IT WAS TERRIFYING…i don’t know if a movie trailer has ever given me goose bumps before….here’s the movie poster…

****HERE IS THE MOVIE TRAILER…

****WARNING…DO NOT WATCH IT IF YOU ARE EASILY SCARED!!

http://youtu.be/Xl0FyyIta8E

YIKES…by the way, JEANNIE told me i will be going to see this movie ALONE…ha ha…

4.  okay…now on to our trip this weekend to NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA…the reason that we were down there, was that i had the honor of officiating a wedding…CONGRATULATIONS MIKE AND AMANDA…..

while we were there, JEANNIE AND I did some sightseeing, including seeing the home of BUFFALO BILL CODY…

it was pretty cool….i love history, so i love visiting sites like this…

5.  another fun thing that we did, that we have NEVER done before, was go into a corn maze….this was the actual design of the corn maze…

JEANNIE AND I had about an hour and a half to get thru it before we had to get ready for the wedding…WE DIDN’T MAKE IT…ha ha…we had to cheat to get out so we didn’t miss the wedding…we walked around for an hour, and kept ending up at the same place…frustrating, but fun…..we then headed out the entrance that we came in….

how would this be for fun?  this corn maze in NORTH PLATTE is having a HALLOWEEN fun week, as they will give you flashlights to go thru the maze AT NIGHT, plus they will have spooky characters chasing you around there….THAT WOULD BE AWESOME….

6.  IS NEBRASKA THE WINDMILL CAPITAL OF THE WORLD?  wow…i can’t believe i missed all the windmills when i went to COLORADO….JEANNIE AND I saw windmills, at least every tenth of a mile all the way from NORTH PLATTE to the SOUTH DAKOTA border….and they were the “old time” ones, too…

we couldn’t believe the number of windmills….so we silently pointed them out as we spotted them…by the way, an area in THE NETHERLANDS is supposedly the windmill capital of the world….

7.  we saw a couple of things that we have never seen in person before….while at BUFFALO BILL’S house, we spotted a PRAYING MANTIS…

up until that moment, the only one we had seen before was on “SPACE GHOST.”

we also saw a dead porcupine on the highway…we had never seen one outside of a zoo before…

 

8.  there was a tragedy on the INDY car circuit yesterday….there was an awful crash that ended up taking the life of DAN WHELDON…

makes you stop and think about the dangers of this sport….

9.  oh, and one more thing….in football news…….

NUFF SAID….

10.  a group of U.S. postal workers posed for a pinup calendar to raise money for the post office…..actually, the semi-nude postal workers look pretty good…if you don’t focus on all of the dog bites…

11.  MEN’S HEALTH magazine released it’s list of the TEN luckiest cities in AMERICA…they based the research on lottery winners, lightning strikes, and wherever DR. CONRAD MURRAY isn’t practicing….

12.  the UNITED NATIONS said that the world population will reach SEVEN BILLION very soon….see?  that’s what you get when so many NBA players have so much free time!!!

13.  on saturday, “OCCUPY WALL STREET” protestors went global in numerous major cities around the world….in NEW YORK CITY, they ended up outside of MADONNA’S apartment…and out of courtesy to her, renamed the movement “OPERATION EASY STREET.”

14.  according to a new report, more teenage boys are using “protection” during sex…hmm… more great news for DEMI MOORE…

15.  remember HAROLD CAMPING?  he was the guy who predicted that the world would end on may 21st….he’s now saying that our final day on this earth is october 21st….he decided on this date after he put fresh batteries in his “doomsday clock.”

16.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, “Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”
    The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. “I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.”
    He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch…. “
    The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
    “Crap!” said the hypnotist.
    It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

 

HAVE A GREAT MONDAY EVERYBODY!!!

JAY DEAN

 

ALRIGHT GANG, THIS WILL BE THE LAST BLOG FOR THIS WEEK…I WILL BE OFF TOMORROW……SO, LET’S MAKE THE BEST OF IT WITH SOME GREAT THURSDAY FUNNIES…..

1.  it blows my mind watching our entertainment heroes turn older…today we have another milestone…PAUL SIMON, of “SIMON AND GARFUNKEL” fame, turns 70 today…yep, SEVENTY….here he is in the early years, and one with ART GARFUNKEL, his duet partner….

PAUL SIMON has been on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE numerous times, and is still out on the road performing…here’s PAUL SIMON today at 70…………….

 

2.  we need to honor PAUL SIMON with a couple of videos….

first of all, here is, by far, my favorite SIMON AND GARFUNKEL song….here’s “BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER.”

http://youtu.be/UVDg8fVC4EQ

here’s another great SIMON AND GARFUNKEL song…”THE BOXER.”

http://youtu.be/ky57Jo3-BaU

and we should do a PAUL SIMON original…here’s a great video with his great friend CHEVY CHASE…it’s “YOU CAN CALL ME AL.”

http://youtu.be/uq-gYOrU8bA

 

2.  remember LAMONT, the son on “SANFORD AND SON?”  he was played by actor DEMOND WILSON…DEMOND turns 65 years olds today…..

here’s the “SANFORD AND SON” theme, in case you forgot it…

http://youtu.be/1WqazleR3FE

here’s the birthday boy, DEMOND WILSON, with his on-screen papa, FRED SANFORD, played by REDD FOXX….

DEMOND WILSON is heavily involved in religion today…in fact, he’s an ORDAINED MINISTER!!!  here he is today on his 65th birthday….

 

4.  well, it’s off to NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA today…i will be officiating a wedding this weekend….my beautiful wife JEANNIE AND I are taking off today and coming back on sunday….

here’s a funny story…when i went to COLORADO in june, i stayed in NORTH PLATTE on the way down, and on the way back…it was around the halfway point….while i was staying there on the way home, i facebooked that i was stuck in NORTH PLATTE….all of a sudden, some friends of ours facebooked me and said, “HEY, ARE YOU IN NORTH PLATTE?  WE LIVE IN NORTH PLATTE.”  i had completely forgotten that they were there….so, we had breakfast the next morning before i left, and then later on they called to see if i could do their daughter’s wedding…pretty cool stuff….

5.  i feel like MARLIN PERKINS from “WILD KINGDOM.”  remember him? 

i feel like him, because it seems like every time i head to HECLA AND HOUGHTON, or am coming home from there, i see different animals….skunks, deer, turkeys, eagles, rats, muskrats, coyotes….pretty amazing…one day soon, i’m expecting to see a giraffe, possibly…..

6.  we ate pizzas last night at confirmation that had thawed out in a freezer and were refrozen a few hours later….not so good….they didn’t taste very good…i’m PRAYING that i don’t get sick…that seven hour trip to NEBRASKA would suck if i was sick…..so far, so good….

7.  MICHELLE OBAMA tried to lead a group of kids in setting a new world record for the most people doing jumping jacks, and she nearly got trampled to death…but what do you expect?  they were AMERICAN KIDS…which meant they were each probably over 300 pounds….

8.  ST. MARY’S, GEORGIA officials want to save money by replacing two firefighters at every fire station with two prison inmates….good idea….give convicted felons a fast-moving vehicle and an ax…WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH THAT?

9.  P. DIDDY has published a 248 page coffee table book of photos of famous female “rear ends.”  yep….now, it sounds like a long book, but keep in mind that 200 of the pages are just a fold-out of JENNIFER LOPEZ’S tushie….

10.  TONY BENNETT says while he was on the set for a VANITY FAIR photo shoot, he accidentally walked in on LADY GAGA when she was naked….but, in his support, he WAS in the men’s bathroom….

11.  JACK OSBOURNE is becoming a father for the very first time….his fiancee LISA STELLY is expecting…..the couple said they are planning a “natural childbirth.”  his papa, OZZY OSBOURNE is asking if he can take the anesthesia instead…..

12.  JOHN LENNON’S wife YOKO ONO, if launching a global effort to fight hunger…..and, obviously, tone deafness….

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY…

(AN AWESOME JOKE…THANKS, KYLE!!!)

A  Green Bay Packers question

 1.   Last year after the Packers / Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards.

2.   During the Packers / Eagles  game, the Packers injured  Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb. 

      Philadelphia   then had to play   backup quarterback Michael Vick. During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and another backup was needed.

3.   After the Packers / Cowboys game,  Dallas  fired Wade Phillips and most of his staff.

4.   After the Packers / Vikings game, Minnesota  fired Brad Childress and most of his staff.

5.   Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er’s coach Mike Singletary and most of his staff were fired and replaced.

6.   During the Bears Playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd Collins, forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.

Here’s the question…   Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs last year than Obama?

HAVE A GREAT THURSDAY AND A WONDERFUL WEEKEND EVERYBODY….TALK TO YA MONDAY…

JAY DEAN