because of the luck of our sales manager, DALINE, i had the pleasure of meeting MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES star WAYNE ELLINGTON on friday night…he was so so so nice…..great guy!!
WOW…THE LAST DAY OF JANUARY….and how about this weather? sure doesn’t feel like the end of january and early february!!
1. here come your tuesday funnies!!!
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS ONE…
I ALSO COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THE NEXT ONE…
2. it’s hard to believe what we do when the boss is gone…ha ha…probably shouldn’t say that…our office manager, LISA and I were having some fun friday morning before i left for MINNEAPOLIS…the following is the result of our fun….
i didn’t realize that i was “two faced.”
WHAT THE HECK?
3. happy birthday wishes today are going out to actress JESSICA WALTER, who turns 71 today…
she starred with CLINT EASTWOOD in one of my favorite movies of the 70’s, “PLAY MISTY FOR ME.” it’s about a woman who stalks a radio announcer…hmm….whats the deal? I’VE NEVER HAD A STALKER….
here’s JESSICA WALTER today at 71….
4. birthday wishes are also going out to HARRY WAYNE CASEY…what? don’t know the name? oh, you know him…he went by K.C., as in “K.C. AND THE SUNSHINE BAND.” he turns 61 today…
here’s K.C. today on birthday number 61….
5. we have to do a couple of video’s of K.C. AND THE SUNSHINE BAND….
here’s “THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT.”
and here’s a ballad that i just love…”PLEASE DON’T GO.”
6. saturday night i took my nieces MANDY AND KRISTIN to the MALL OF AMERICA….we had a blast…MANDY decided she needed to shop her brains out, so KRISTIN AND I went to a movie….we saw the movie “THE GREY” starring LIAM NEESON, which was INCREDIBLE…
but it made the movie so much better that we sat in special effects seats called “D-BOX SEATS.”
they were INCREDIBLE…i thought that, during the plane crash scene, that our chairs were going to throw us out of them…it was so cool…i would love to watch EVERY MOVIE in one of these seats…wish CARMIKE would get some….
7. after the movie, we went to supper at an “insult bar and eatery” called “DICK’S LAST RESORT.”
i don’t know if i have EVER had that much fun at one of those places…the waiters and staff are intentionally rude to you…it was great…and they make you wear these great big hats with harsh word written on them by the staff….
this is the hat my niece KRISTIN wore, but this isn’t her in the picture…
in case you can’t see it, it says “i eat the chocolates in the litter box.” MANDY’S said, “i don’t like to have fun.”
and mine said, “spandex is not my friend.” WHICH IT IS NOT!! great place to have fun….
9. THE SPICE GIRLS are reuniting for QUEEN ELIZABETH’S jubilee this year…why? because when you’re that old and hard of hearing, the SPICE GIRLS sound great!!
10. a new HARRIS poll found that 15 percent of americans say that they would miss the birth of thier child if it coincided with the super bowl….in other stats, 100 percent of guys would miss the CONCEPTION of their own child because of the big game…
11. TMZ says that KIM KARDASHIAN called police to her home when a stranger showed up at her gate with luggage….cops rushed to the scene before KIM even had the chance to marry him.
12. BRAZIL bikini manufacturers say they’ve had to increase the size of their beachwear because BRAZILIAN woman are getting fatter…NICE JOB MCDONALD’S AND BURGER KING…
13. NEWT GINGRICH has picked up the endorsement of HERMAN CAIN…meanwhile, HERMAN CAIN has picked up another woman at a bar…
14. a GREEK orthodox priest in GREECE was caught illegally digging for valuable ancient relics…the same strategy that TVLAND uses to cast it’s new sitcoms…
15. JOKE OF THE DAY:
this guy was speeding very fast down the highway when a highway patrolman pulled him over. he asked the guy for his license, and registration, and proof of insurance. when asked what he did, the cop said, “you were speeding….25 miles an hour over the speed limit.” the guy said, “hmm..i didn’t realize that….well, please don’t give me a ticket.” the cop said, “okay, i won’t give you a ticket if you can give me one good reason why you were speeding.” so, the guy then said, “well, a few weeks ago my wife ran off with a highway patrolman…and i thought you were bringing her back.” the cop smiled and walked back to his car and let the guy go…..
HA HA…HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY EVERYBODY…
I CAN SMELL THE WEEKEND!!! (either that or i forgot my deodorant again….)
1. HERE COME YOUR FRIDAY FUNNIES!!!
2. we begin our blog with some sad news…one of the SWEATHOGS has died….actor ROBERT HEGYES, who played “EPSTEIN” died of a massive heart attack yesterday. he was 60 years old….
see if you remember him from “WELCOME BACK KOTTER.”
here he is in a recent picture….
3. happy birthday wishes are going out on saturday to actress SUSAN HOWARD…she played “DONNA KREBS” on the tv show “DALLAS.” one report says she is 70 on saturday, the other says she is 67…..let’s just say…umm…SHE’S 68 AND A HALF…ha ha…actually i found another site that said she’s 67, so let’s go with that…
here she is from the hit tv show…
and here is SUSAN HOWARD recently…
4. actor MARC SINGER turns 64 this sunday…..i first heard about him when he appeared in one of my favorite movies when i was a kid…it was a tearjerker called “SOMETHING FOR JOEY.”
it’s the story of football star JOHN CAPPELLETTI and his brother JOEY who had an incurable disease….when CAPPELLETTI received the HEISMAN trophy, he broke down and dedicated it to his brother….heartbreaking and heartwarming both at the same time….
MARC SINGER also appeared in the tv show “V” back in the 80’s.
and, he was the “BEASTMASTER.”
here’s MARC SINGER today on the weekend of birthday number 64.
5. ANOTHER KINK IN MY WEEKEND…HA HA..
we leave this morning for our sales seminar this weekend in MINNEAPOLIS, and i told you this week that i’m taking my nieces to see the movie “THE DEVIL INSIDE”, because i really want to see it….
well, while checking out the theaters in the MALL OF AMERICA, i found out that one of the theaters has seats that vibrate, and move during the rough scenes of a movie….sounds cool…
the movie playing saturday night is LIAM NEESON’S new one called ‘THE GREY.”
i had no intention of seeing this movie, but my son MITCHELL saw it last night and said it was INCREDIBLE….hmm….and the seating sounds interesting at the theater….read the blog next week to see what i finally went to see…i’m serious torn right now…..but hopefully i’ll heal….
6. my wife lost her godfather and a very special aunt just a few days apart this week….tough week….if you read the paper lately, or listen to my obituary show on KSDN AM 930, you will notice that there has been an abundance of deaths in our area recently….sources tell me that right after the holidays during the colder weather it always increases…
7. HILARY CLINTON says she’s stepping out of politics and won’t be serving a second term as SECRETARY OF STATE…she wants to stay home and spend more quality time yelling at BILL….
8. a FOUR YEAR OLD preschooler in CONNECTICUT took nine bags of marijuana to school for show and tell…ha ha…on a positive note, it’s good to see kids planning for college early….
9. researchers in DETROIT say that packing your nose with cured salted pork is an effective way to stop a nosebleed…it’s also a horrible way to waste delicious bacon…..
10. PAT SAJAK has admitted that he has hosted ‘THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE” while he was intoxicated….so, that explains why he was trying to drunk dial an ex girlfriend with the big wheel….
11. JOKE OF THE DAY: (a nasty one today)
A married couple goes to an agricultural fair and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The auctioneer announces the first bull to be auctioned off.
“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, saying, “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”
The second bull is led out.
“Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”
Again the wife bugs her husband, “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!”
The third bull is brought out for sale.
“And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!”
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”
The husband yells back, “Sure, once a day! But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same fat cow!!”
HAVE AN AWESOME WEEKEND EVERYBODY…
HAPPY THURSDAY…THE CLOCK IS TICKING TOWARD THE WEEKEND….
1. here come your thursday funnies….
2. the actor and legendary baseball broadcaster BOB UECKER turns 77 years old today…he was on tv in the 80’s sitcom “MR. BELVEDERE”, and has been the announcer for the radio broadcasts of the MILWAUKEE BREWERS for many year…a couple of years ago, BOB UECKER received a “50 years in baseball” award commemorating his career not only as a player, but also as a broadcaster…
here’s BOB when he first started playing….
and here’s BOB UECKER today at 77….
3. speaking of the show “MR. BELVEDERE”, let’s find out whatever happened to the cast…my wife and i used to LOVE this show….
actor CHRISTOPHER HEWETT played the title role of “MR. BELVEDERE”…he died in 2001 at the age of 80…..
ILENE GRAFF played BOB UECKER’S wife, MARSHA on the show…she is now 62 years old and is GETTING BETTER WITH AGE…WOW…
ROB STONE played the oldest child “KEVIN” on the show…he is now 49, and will turn 50 this september…
TRACY WELLS played the daughter “HEATHER.” she is now 41 years old….
and actor BRICE BECKHAM played the wise cracking youngest child “WESLEY.” this boy was into everything, but was hilarious….BRICE is now 35…
4. the “other half” of the pop group “WHAM!” turns 49 today..his name is ANDREW RIDGELEY…he, of course, was the other guy from GEORGE MICHAEL, who definetly had the most success from the group…
here they are…the birthday boy is on the right….
here’s ANDREW RIDGELEY on birthday number 49….
what about his musical partner, GEORGE MICHAEL? well, he’s still out there performing on the road…he did have some legal problems in the past couple of decades dealing with…umm…let’s see…shall i say, “his private parts?”
GEORGE MICHAEL is now 48. here he is today…
5. we have to do one “WHAM” song….here’s their huge hit “WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO”…
6. remember when i talked about getting stuck in a quarter inch of snow or less the other day? well, apparently i need tires, or driving lessons..i have now been stuck THREE TIMES and we haven’t had crap for snow…..i need to put some more weight in the back of my car apparently…time to call an ex girlfriend…KIDDING…
7. HILLARY CLINTON named former LAKER’S star KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR as the U.S. cultural ambassador….that’s not the only thing she wanted him for…she wants to use his height to have him check second and third floor windows for cheating husbands….
8. new polls in FLORIDA shows that there’s a DEAD HEAT among republican voters…why is that? because half of the voters are dead, and the other half are complaining about the heat….
9. one of the biggest OSCAR suprises was that “UNDEFEATED” was nominated for “best documentary.” it’s an admiring documentary about SARAH PALIN…MICHAEL MOORE would be spinning in his grave about this, except he’s not dead, and if he were, he’d be wedged in there pretty tightly….
10. JOAN RIVERS is calling comedian CHELSEA HANDLER a “drunk”, who slept her way to the top….the only problem is, that in today’s HOLLYWOOD, “slutty drunk” is considered a compliment…..
11. DEMI MOORE is seeking treatment for exhaustion…i have an idea….TRY TO GO FIVE MINUTES WITHOUT TWEETING….
12. JOKES OF THE DAY: (dead ones…ha ha…and there’s nothing funnier than death, right?)
LOVE THIS FIRST ONE…
Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does, when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
“What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Farther O’Grady.
“Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news,” replied Mary.
“What is it, Mary?”
“Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.”
“Oh, Mary” said the father, “that’s terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?”
“Well, yes he did father,” replied Mary.
“What did he ask, Mary?”
Mary replied, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down the gun…'”
OKAY, HOW ‘BOUT THIS …..
A woman died in a scuba diving accident, and her husband was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”
“Well, tell me!” the man said.
The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
So the policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay.”
“Oh my god!” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
“Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.”
“If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” Mr. Wilkens demanded.
The policeman said, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”
HAVE A SUPER TERRIFIC THURSDAY…
HUMP DAY, BABY!!! ON THE DOWNSLIDE TO THE WEEKEND….
1. here come your wednesday funnies!!!
i LOVE the next one!!!
2. happy birthday wishes are going out today to actor DEAN JONES who appeared in many many many WALT DISNEY movies….he starred in “THE SHAGGY DOG”, “HERBIE THE LOVE BUG”, “THAT DARN CAT”, and many many many more.
here’s DEAN JONES back in his younger days….
DEAN JONES is 81 years old today…here he is recently…
3. today we’re going to find out what happened to the INGALLS girls from “LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE.”
let’s go oldest to youngest…
MELISSA SUE ANDERSON played the older sister MARY…she is now 49, and is A KNOCKOUT….
always loved her eyes!!
MELISSA GILBERT played “half pint” or LAURA INGALLS on the show….she has been one busy girl since the show ended, including being president of the SCREEN ACTOR’S GUILD….she is now 47, and has a birthday three days after mine….
here’s MELISSA GILBERT looking good at 47….
and finally, a set of twins played the youngest girl CARRIE on the hit show….the twins names are LINDSAY and SIDNEY GREENBUSH…they are now 41…here they are today….
4. actor JAMES FARENTINO died yesterday at the age of 73…..he appeared in over 100 movies, tv shows and stage productions…he had a face you always remember, but his name sometimes escaped you….
he was married four times, including a stint with actress MICHELLE LEE from 1966-1982.
JAMES FARENTINO appeared in such movies as “THE FINAL COUNTDOWN”, “BLUE THUNDER”, and he played SAINT PETER in the production of “JESUS OF NAZARETH.”
here is JAMES FARENTINO in his final years…
5. other than driving in heavy fog, there’s not much worse than driving in heavy, driving show when you can’t see the road because it’s completely white…that’s what happened late afternoon to many of us….and i wasn’t really happy coming back from HOUGHTON last night….i was driving about 45-50 miles per hour on highway 12, when a semi came by me like 70 miles per hour, and COMPLETELY BLINDED me with snow fog…..very very scary….
6. AL CAPONE died on this date in 1947…i had NO IDEA that he was only 48 years old…looked much older…of course, all that killing, extortion and running from police probably took it’s toll on him…
7. a new report from the federal government says that 20 percent of AMERICANS suffer from some sort of mental illness…the number has skyrocketed since “JERSEY SHORE” came on tv….
8. this week in 1945, EARL TUPPER opened his first TUPPERWARE plant….how did he celebrate the grand opening? he just opened the door and burped some air out of the building….
9. for the first time ever, DISNEY changed their policy and will now allow workers to have beards and facial hair…great..now i get to see CINDERELLA with a 5:00 shadow….
10. a dog named UNCLE CHICHI had to be euthenized in NEW YORK, and it was believed to be approximately 25 years old. if he were a human, he would be around 175 years old….and BEGGING for someone to euthenize him….
11. a MASSACHUSETTS dentist has pleaded guilty to fraud for using paper clips in root canals….what’s next? WHITE-OUT liquid paper as a teeth whitener?
12. KIM KARDASHIAN supposedly ended her marriage after psychic JOHN EDWARDS told her that her late father ROBERT KARDASHIAN told him that she should file for divorce…and then after that, KIM got into a fight with the ghost of ANNA NICOLE SMITH over the nearest dumb rich guy….
13. the queen of soul, ARETHA FRANKLIN and her fiancee have called off their wedding, fearing that they were moving a bit too fast and hadn’t thought everything through….DID YOU HEAR THAT KIM KARDASHIAN?
14. JOKE OF THE DAY:
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.
“My love,” he wrote, “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?”
So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, “Why don’t you learn to play this?”
Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife.
“Darling” he said, “I can’t wait to make passionate love to you!”
She kissed him and said, “First let’s see you play that harmonica.”
HAVE A TERRIFIC WEDNESDAY…
IT’S TUESDAY….C’MON WEEKEND!!!
1. here come your tuesday funnies….
i see lots of truth in this next one!!!
2. well, according to my calculations, we’re down to two or three munchkins left from my favorite movie “THE WIZARD OF OZ.” one of them is JERRY MAREN….he has a birthday today. he turns 92….
he played one of the “lollipop” kids…
he’s the guy in the middle….
here’s JERRY MAREN today at 92…..
3. the great NEIL DIAMOND turns 71 years young today…and is still out there performing….if you have never seen him, and get the chance, don’t miss out…he’s one heck of a show…
here’s NEIL DIAMOND in his early years…when the women were going crazy over him….
here’s NEIL DIAMOND today at 71….
4. you didn’t think that i would salute NEIL DIAMOND and not do some music, did you?
here’s his huge hit “SONG SUNG BLUE.”
and i suppose we had better do “SWEET CAROLINE.”
5. well, if winter is going to be like this, i’m staying home…i said that i will not complain about winter, because it has, overall, been so incredible, but something happened yesterday that torked me off….
I GOT STUCK IN ABOUT A QUARTER OF AN INCH OF SNOW…no kidding….i was going uphill so i figured that was the deal…or perhaps i need new tires….but there was virtually NO SNOW under my car…how embarrassing….
6. this weekend we have to go to MINNEAPOLIS for some sales meetings, and we’re going to do a couple of fun things…on friday night, our staff is going to see the MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES play against the SAN ANTONIO SPURS…
but my fun night will be saturday night when i take my nieces out for supper and a movie…..KRISTIN AND MANDY are not happy campers about the movie i want to see…
this movie has yet to come to ABERDEEN, so i will turn on the old “uncle charm” and get the girls to go….i’m dragging KRISTIN for sure…MANDY said there’s no way i’ll get her there….HMM…A CHALLENGE….
7. the cruise line that owns the COSTA CONCORDIA is offering survivors of the disaster a 30 percent discount off of future cruises…wow….i have a better idea…offer them V.I.P. seating in a lifeboat….
9. model HEIDI KLUM and singer SEAL are divorcing after six years of marriage….KLUM is hoping to move on and actually find a guy with a full name….
10. according to a new study, women feel more pain than men…yet they continue to watch “THE VIEW.”
11. BRITISH lawmakers met yesterday to discuss the tilting of the BIG BEN clock tower. however, one expert says that the building’s lean won’t become a serious problem for about another 10,000 years….DAMN PROCRASTINATORS…..
12. JOKES OF THE DAY:
A blonde woman gets pulled over for speeding. The cop, who also happens to be a blonde woman, gets out and asks the driver for her driver’s license. So she starts digging through her purse. After several minutes, she looks up at the cop and says, “I’m sorry, what would a driver’s license look like?”
The cop tells her, “It’s square, and it has your picture on it.”
So after some more digging, she comes out with a makeup compact. She opens it, sees herself in the square mirror, and hands it to the cop. “Here it is!”
The cop looks at the compact, hands it back to the driver and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were a police officer.”
OKAY, HOW ‘BOUT THIS ……
A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
“Elliot,” she said, pointing “do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?”
The husband looked over and nodded.
“Well,” the woman continued, “he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!”
The husband returned to his meal.
“Nonsense,” he said, “even that’s not worth so much celebrating!”
HAVE AN AWESOME TUESDAY EVERYBODY….