random thoughts for tuesday may 15th, 2012

HEY, IT’S TUESDAY…AND APPARENTLY EVERYBODY IS EXCITED ABOUT IT….HA HA

wouldn’t that be TERRIFYING?

1.  here come your tuesday funnies…

this one is rude, but hilarious…

HMMM…never  thought about the following one..but it makes sense….

those stupid bugs wouldn’t  bother me so bad if the next one were true….

2.  today we’re going to find out whatever happened to actor TOM HULCE….he played memorable characters in some very good movies….

he played the toga wearing innocent young man in “ANIMAL HOUSE.”

he also starred in “AMADEUS.”

and he starred as the spoiled rotten son of JASON ROBARDS in the hit movie “PARENTHOOD.”

i wouldn’t recognize TOM HULCE if i saw him on tv today…he is now 58 years old and looks like this….

3.  we’ll also check in on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE original GARRETT MORRIS….

he played the baseball star CHICO ESUELA, who had the line “base-a-ball been berry berry good to me.”

he also had a hilarious part of the news, when CHEVY CHASE would have the news for the “hard of hearing.”  GARRETT MORRIS would come on and SCREAM the top headline…good stuff…

GARRETT MORRIS is now 75 years old, and is still making appearances on tv shows…here he is today…

4.  everybody knows that i’m a fan of the MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES when it comes to the NBA…well, now that the T-WOLVES are once again out of the playoff picture, i need to find another team to pull for if i’m going to watch some games…i decided before the playoffs began that it would be the OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER…i love KEVIN DURANT….anyway, i’m an even bigger fan of them since they crushed the LOS ANGELES LAKERS last night by 29 points…..i’m not a LAKER’S fan at all…never have been…and i love when they get beat….i would LOVE if the THUNDER would win this series 4 games to none….we’ll see….

5.  i decided to go to a movie yesterday…..i’m a little different than some people..i don’t mind going to movies by myself…and i was REALLY by myself…i was the only one in the theater…

yesterday i decided to see the movie “AMERICAN REUNION.”  it’s the gang from the “AMERICAN PIE” series coming back for thier class reunion…i about split a gut laughing….

very very funny, but very very crude in some parts…some nudity, lots of swearing….and if you want to see it, you’d better hurry…IT ENDS THIS WEEK…..

6.  i went out and took a long walk last night for the first time since my hernia surgery….it went pretty well, but i did have some uncomfortable feelings in that section when i got home…i have a feeling that softball is out for the summer…which doesn’t bother me…i’m getting too old and too fat to play anyway….ha ha….

7.  WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY in ST. LOUIS is seeking volunteers for an obesity study…you must be willing to gain weight by eating nothing but food from MCDONALD’S, BURGER KING, TACO BELL, KFC, and PIZZA HUT…or as i call them…college students….

8.  a man in a small town in ITALY accidentally got elected mayor….accidentally?  yep….he didn’t campaign and never gave one speech…NO WONDER HE GOT ELECTED….

9.  KIM KARDASHIAN tweeted a photo of herself with a spray tan, adding that tanning mom PATRICIA KRENTCIL “has some serious issues.”  just to be clear, KIM would never drag some poor naive kid into a tanning booth….a marriage maybe, but not a tanning booth….

10.  representative PETER KING, the chairman of the house homeland security commission, says he refuses to personally meet with one of the COLUMBIAN hookers at the center of the secret service scandal…he says he doesn’t want to provide her with any more cheap publicity……plus she may recognize him….

11.  police in FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, will soon be handing out $85 dollar tickets for texting while walking…..OMG….

12.  JAPANESE researchers now say that JAPAN’S low birthrate means that the JAPANESE could be extinct in 1,000 years…that’s roughly the same lifespan as my student loan….

13.  JOKE OF THE DAY:

The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
“Janie, do you have a story to share?’

”Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

”Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

“Stay away from Mommy when she’s drunk.”

HAVE A TERRIFIC TUESDAY MY FRIENDS…

JAY DEAN

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