HAPPY TUESDAY EVERYBODY…..
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL….
1. here come your tuesday funnies!!!
hey, i think i resemble the next one….
unfortunately, the next one is about me, too….
keep an eye on the next one when you’re at an airport….
and now a salute to dear old mom…or mum….
2. happy birthday wishes are going out to actress KATHLEEN TURNER…she turns 58 today….what a beautiful actress she was…..
you probably best remember KATHLEEN TURNER from the movie “ROMANCING THE STONE”, with MICHAEL DOUGLAS….
my favorite role of hers was with STEVE MARTIN in one of my favorite movies, “THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS.”
and here’s KATHLEEN TURNER today at 58….
3. actress MIA SARA has a birthday today…don’t know the name? well, you’ll probably remember her most famous role…she played “SLOANE” in the hit movie “FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF.”
here is MIA SARA today on her 45th birthday….
what about the other main stars of “FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF?”
MATTHEW BRODERICK, who starred as “FERRIS” is now 50 years old…..
actor ALAN RUCK played his best friend “CAMERON”…he is now 55 years old…..
4. and finally, actor PAUL DANO turns 28….he played the neurotic son DWAYNE, in the hit movie “LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE.” a movie that wasn’t a huge hit, but i ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT….
PAUL DANO also was in the hit movie “THERE WILL BE BLOOD.”
here’s PAUL DANO today on birthday number 28….
5. i found out last night a position i CANNOT play in softball…PITCHER….we have three pitchers on our roster for our church team at ST. JOHN’S in HECLA…they were all gone last night…so, i thought i would head to the mound and pitch…WRONG….i walked four people to load the bases, walked a couple of more to let two runs in, and then yelled “DALE, GET OVER HERE.” my friend DALE pitched the rest of the game….i moved to shortstop and made an awesome catch, if i do say so myself…it was a hard hard hard line drive, and i stuck my glove up and caught it….burned my hand….my biggest fear playing infield is taking one in the jaw and busting my jaw…hopefully it never happens…by the way, our church softball team is 0-3, but having more fun this year than in the previous couple of years….
6. STUPID RACCOONS…..there was a raccoon crossing the road on 281 yesterday while i was coming in from WARNER about 4:30am…so what does he do? stops in the middle of the road AND STAND UP….needless to say, i couldn’t stop and i nailed him bad….and at that point, i was done eating my breakfast sandwich…
7. it happened again last night…..we went out to eat last night after softball, and were the ONLY people in the eating establishment….they asked for my name, and when my order was done, they yelled, “JAY…JAY, YOUR ORDER IS READY.” i was going to stand by the counter and look around to see if another JAY was coming up…..the only people there…..unreal…i realize it’s probably mandatory that they have to do it, but it’s still hilarious…..
8. JC PENNEY president MICHAEL FRANCIS has resigned after just eight months, after his policy of doing away with sales failed miserably….because of his bad ideas and horrible money management he now has a clear shot of being in CONGRESS…
9. the CHICAGO city council has approved unlimited licenses for vendors to have moveable fruit and vegetable stands at the CUB’S games….bad bad bad idea……they had probably better not give CHICAGO CUB’S fans acess to tomatoes before the game….
10. police in MIRAMAR, FLORIDA, arrested a bank robbery suspect who was dressed in a plaid sweat vest over a short sleeve shirt and clashing plaid shorts….it took forever to find the guy because there are two million old guys in FLORIDA dressed the exact same way.
11. PLAYBOY model and actress JENNY MCCARTHY accidentally sent a nude photo of herself to her son’s male dentist….hey, FINALLY there’s something that five out of five dentists recommend….
12. LINDSAY LOHAN, who is shooting a tv movie about ELIZABETH TAYLOR, was rushed to the hospital after being found unconscious and unresponsive…she apparently was doing research for her next role in “THE LINDSAY LOHAN STORY.”
13. RIELLE HUNTER says in her new memoir due out later this month that when she first met former presidential candidate JOHN EDWARDS, he bragged to her about how many misstresses he had….hey, there’s a pick-up line i never thought of in college….
14. two 70’s and 80’s groups are heading out on tour in september…it’s BLONDIE and DEVO…wow…the concert tour should be sponsored by DEPENDS….
15. JOKE OF THE DAY:
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m.
And was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer then asked, “Really?
Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replied,
“That would be my wife.”
GOOD ONE…ha ha…
ENJOY YOUR TUESDAY EVERYBODY…